I Did Not Suspect That Coming...Regarding The Spanish Inquisition

Imagine my surprise when the door suddenly opens and people run in yelling, "YOU DONT BELIEVE IN GOD?"

maybe I should have started out writing about how my evening went last night (night before Thanksgiving) and then giving the Monty Python 'Spanish Inquisition' punch line near the end of this post- either way, holy tits...they came out of no where. I am hangin' with the bros drinking a fine Belgian wheat ale and playing some liars dice and some strangers came knocking at the door. A few minutes later one of my buddies, both of which know I am openly an atheist and are christians who understand and are deists more than anything else. So the question, with no subtle warning, pops, "Would you rather celebrate Christmas, or Easter Sunday since you have to go to church". My quip was, "I am an atheist I don't go to church.". My buddies chuckle...except the 3 strangers who look at me and one small blonde girl yells back, "WHO'S AN ATHEIST?!?". You can imagine how the evening went as I was debating three, rather befuddled and drunk, Christians and could out quote them on their own holy text. Sad. So after I accurately quoted the bible and they had no response, EXCEPT for the, "You should read passage xyz: ##" retort. As if I read everything and happened to overlook that one passage.

The only response that I encountered that most nearly resembled an intelligent response was the, "How can you not believe with all this beauty and how could all of this just have happened?". Yep, so after I drilled another orifice located, to what I think may have been located near the prefrontal cortex, but in hindsight it may have actually been the Rhinal Cortex, (remember I was drunk afterall) I completed the lobotomy by then asking whether that beauty included genocide, rape, slavery etc. and to top it all off they were "Not Religious But Spiritual". "Well" I said with vigor, "I'm not honest, but I find you rather interesting". After that another whirlwind of you should read passage xyz, and of course I countered each passage with another book regarding another religion (that they deemed not appropriate to worship of course).

And what were the spoils of war? I got to make fun of an emo looking Crispin Glover??? Well you decide.


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Comment by Ryan E. Hoffman on November 27, 2010 at 1:36pm
when I saw the topic of the post, I was going to slam the Monty Python punch line. Sounds like you handled yourself pretty well.

My favorite response to the "you should read passage xyz" is to ask if there's a Bible around, read it out loud, and then say, "And...? What's your point?" It's a good thing to do while drunk. They generally stammer over a response because they think the Bible passage in itself explains everything. It's a great preparation move to follow up and say, "You don't even think about how this passage relates to a modern lifestyle. You just want me to read it. Well, I read it. Squiddily doo. Doesn't mean jack."


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