"I Am a Young Muslim. I Found Out That My Girlfriend Is Not Pure. Now I Want To Kill Myself."

A great letter I came across. A young Muslim Pakistani boy finds out his girlfriend wasn't a virgin, and e-mails a psychologist threatening suicide. The psychologist's answer is awesome.


Perhaps reading this account of the terrifying, inhumane, and repressive situation in your country shocks you, and you may feel that I am being unfair to Pakistan or to Islam, but my intention is neither to discredit Pakistan nor to insult Islam. I simply must start with these facts if I am to address your question in an honest and useful way. And, by the way, everything I have laid out above, both about child sexual development and about Pakistani culture, is factual—not my opinion, but facts which are indisputable and widely known.

Just as a fish, having been born in water and always having lived in water, does not ever realize that it is swimming in water, it may be difficult for you to see that you and your girlfriend are swimming in an environment of belief which totally demonizes and represses normal sexuality, and which makes normal human sexual development a crime and a so-called "dishonor," but that is a fact, and you must try to grasp it if I am to help you.


You say that she broke your trust because she lied to you about her previous boyfriend, but what choice did she have? If she had told you the truth, you would not have accepted it because you can only imagine yourself being with a "pure" girl. Not only that, Mir. If she had told you the truth she would have risked all the terrible things that can happen to a Pakistani woman if she is found out to be "impure." In effect, her culture and its life-denying, human nature-denying beliefs forced her to lie, just as your sad cultural indoctrination and your life-denying, human nature-denying beliefs are forcing you to reject her now simply because she had a life before the two of you got together. This is just another of what I call the "terrible consequences" of the barbaric, unrealistic, life-denying culture of Islam, not only in your country, but all over the so-called "Islamic world," which is really a medieval world with medieval values which sadly have lasted into the twenty-first century.


Your girlfriend did not want to break up with you. She cares for you—as you well know—just as you care for her. She is attracted to you—sexually attracted—just as you are attracted to her. You forced her to break up with you because you refused to accept her as she is, a person with normal sexual desires which she began to explore with someone else before meeting you. Your lack of acceptance is one of the causes of her guilt because when you questioned her over and over again, and when you rejected her as "impure," your words, those of a Pakistani male, carried the entire weight of the life-denying Islamic religion with them. I don't know if you, Mir, had any sexual experiences (other than masturbation, that is, which I am sure you did lots of) before meeting her, but I am certain that, if you did not have them, you would have had them if you could have. Satisfying sexual curiosity, and experiencing the need for sensuality and closeness—which I explained begins when the child sucks at the breast--is what human beings do unless they have been completely indoctrinated and broken by Islam, orthodox Judaism, fundamentalist Christianity, or some other life-denying system of belief.

His answer is a little long, you can read the full burn here.

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