Fr the longest time I was afraid of what would happen if I told anybody I was Atheist. I feared that my family would hate me an that I would never become a good person. Having those thoughts in my head was a horrible thing to do to myself. I started to feel as if I was broken, damaged, wrong and most of all a worthless person. This was alot for a young kid to understand. The first time I ever told anybody I told my mom and she pulled me to the side and told me " Jason, it is wrong for you to doubt the lord and all of his power don't tell any one else about this" I felt my heart skip a beat. After a few years of trying to be a good little Christan I was deep in depression things were happing to me and I didn't know why and I couldn't place the hate and distrust I felt for everyone around me. I feel into a deeper depression I started taking meds and all this was before my 13th birthday. One day I sat there on my bed just sitting in the dark with the blinds closed crying. I felt as if i have failed. I was out of my mind I went to the kitchen and grabbed a knife thinking God has no use for a defect like me and I went back into my room with the knife pressed up against my neck. I stopped I have felt like the world would be better off without me. I couldn't do it I couldn't do a damn thing... I had lost my mind all because I had gone my life knowing that i was different I didn't believe in god like the others but I tried to but no matter what I did I couldn't make my self believe. I put away the knife and went to my mom and yelled at the top of my lungs THERE IS NO GOD, I AM NOT CHRISTAN, I AM A ATHEIST. All the hate went away I felt at ease. I told my brothers and the rest of my  family that I'm atheist little to my surprise I was yelled at. But it didn't affect me as much as it use to. I bound by my families faith but I freed myself and turned my life around. I no longer care about what people think when I say I'm atheist I only feel pride and joy that I am free of the shackles that oppress the creative, the unique, and the value of life. I am free, I am a Atheist and it was the best thing that has ever happened to me. 

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