Comment by Asher Isbrucker on October 21, 2011 at 2:12am

Do you mean coming out as gay or coming out as an atheist?

 

I grew up in a non-religious family. We never went to church, my parents never talked to me or my siblings about god or faith or heaven or hell. My parents are very socially liberal, although they didn't make it obvious as they never talked about politics much with me until just recently. They tried to promote an open, free-thinking atmosphere, which is what I have to thank for my atheism.

 

Now I guess this doesn't really help you, as you are essentially in the opposite situation; you are coming out (as atheist, I'm assuming, but similar I guess as coming out as gay in that context) in a very socially conservative, probably traditional family. That's probably a huge weight on your shoulders, because if there is any group of people whom you can be yourself around, it should be your family. If you feel you are hiding who you are and afraid or even ashamed of expressing your own views, beliefs, and preferences, it will bear you a heavy burden. You won't be happy with it, and your family won't be happy because you aren't.

 

So you have to tell them, from my perspective. The cost is too much if you keep this hidden. Timing is everything though. They probably won't take it too well if they are as socially conservative as you say. If they frown upon atheism (or homosexuality if that's what you're referring to) that much, they will probably not talk to you for a while, at least while they come to terms with it. It's important, though, that they understand that although everybody will have their differences -  some small, some significant - it doesn't change love within a family. They should accept you for who you are, regardless of your religious beliefs or sexual preferences.

 

Good luck with everything, it can be a very tough time.

Comment by Mike on October 21, 2011 at 11:14am

@Kasu That seems like a good way. I don't want to post anything on Facebook, however. I'm studying to be a teacher and in my opinion, personal beliefs about religion, politics, etc. shouldn't be made widely known. One, so that students don't have a biased opinion about it because of me, second, so that parents and faculty don't have a biased opinion of me.

 

@Asher Yes, I mean coming out as an atheist. And you're lucky to have such open minded parents. On the one hand I think they would be alright with it in the sense that it's my belief, because they often say that other people are entitled to their beliefs, etc. On the other hand, I have heard the multitude of comments they have made about "lazy black people," "stupid socialist liberals," and so on.

Comment by Dennis Weaver on October 21, 2011 at 12:20pm

Mike, I feel for you. I have the very same circumstances. However for myself, I considered that it wasn't critical to have everyone know. With the exception of my mom, specifically because I felt not talking about it was estranging us otherwise in our relationship. Beyond this I've taken the stance that I won't really bring it up unless necessary or it serves a particular purpose. But this is just my situation, obviously.

I find your idea of talking with your sister a good one. After I discussed with my mom what I've come to understand, it was easier to handle talking to other members of my family when I felt it was necessary. And easier after these occasions even more, if that makes sense. Talking with your sister may help 'pop the bubble' in the same manner. Especially if you feel the need to take a more proactive stance in coming out to your family. I think it would be a good start.

Comment by Ed on October 21, 2011 at 8:11pm

Love of family is normally unconditional. My family has been for the most part accepting of my position. 

They didn't feel obligated to ostracize or condemn me. Timing is important. The day before Xmas would be the wrong time I'm thinking.

 

I wish I had spoken up a long time ago. It was like a weight was removed from my chest.

Comment