Helping young kids through loss of a close grandparent

I do not believe in God -- any god. I strive to be a good atheist and person by setting an example of decency to all and service to my community. The whole "good without god" thing.

In raising my 6 and 7 year old sons, I've always responded to the rare god/heaven/religion questions with as "That's what some people believe, but lots of people including me don't." That's been easy in the abstract, and I pride myself on not lying to or indoctrinating them with bogus beliefs I don't share.

But my mom is dying...soon. She's been given "weeks to months" to live. I've got my own grieving to do, but But better and lesser people than me have gotten through it, and so will I. She's religious and counting on the afterlife, I believe I'm saying goodbye for ever.

Facing this very real situation I find myself debating the advantages/drawbacks of letting them believe the myth that grandma's looking down on them from heaven to help them cope/grieve. I sure won't be the one telling them that, but they're gonna hear it from left and right, and when they ask me about it I think I'm going to bite my tongue and say "yup." I'm thinking of it like Santa Claus and the stockings -- a short term lie/myth that I ignore/perpetuate until they're old enough to consider the facts/faith and decide for themselves.

Net-net, I want to help my kids cope with the loss of their grandmother,
don't want to foster indoctrination, don't want to be a dick, etc.

Any advice?

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Comment by Moria Jackson on January 20, 2011 at 2:01am: Do you and your wife share the same lack of belief? How does she want to handle it? This sounds like something you guys will have to figure out together, but I like Keely's answer too.

Comment by Greg on January 24, 2011 at 12:24am: Thanks for the ideas and insights guys. My mom has not passed away yet, but it's down to a matter of days and my boys have returned home. Funny that you mentioned the Lion King / Circle of Life thing...at one point I was breaking down as I told my 6-year old that Grandma *wasn't* going to get better, and this was the last time they'd see her. He said "It's going around daddy." I thought me meant that sickness was going around like a cold or the flu and said that what grandma has isn't contagious. He said "No daddy, I mean it's going around, it's all around...babies are born, they grow up, get old, die, and new babies are born."

Partly with your help, and partly in dealing with my devoutly religious LDS family, which is completely accepting of my atheism (I know weird, huh?) I've decided what I probably knew all along, that I don't have to back up the myth of grandma in heaven. They won't hear it from me, and if they hear it from others and ask me about it, I'll use the same "What do you think and why?" line that I greet most matters of religion with.

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