Day of the Lord
Zephaniah 1:1 to 3:20
1:1 The word of the Lord which dawned on Zephaniah, who was the son of somebody, who was the son of somebody, who was the son of somebody.
God says he will come and utterly eat everything. A day is coming, a bad day, a real bad day. The Lord's Day. It will be a horrible day of terrible suffering. It will be a day of anger and trouble and distress and waste and desolation and darkness and gloominess and clouds and alarms and blindness and poop.
1:18 You can't buy your way out of it either.
2:1 Ye best gather thy shit together. Y’all better look for the Lord before he shows up on his special day all angry and stuff. Better be totally quiet and meek and maybe you can survive by hiding in the bushes or something on The Day of The Lord.
2:15 On God's special day he will destroy whole cities. People will mock and make fun and wag their finger at the places where the cities use to be.
3:20 After all the destruction and mayhem God will bring back the good old Israel. Then we Jews will be famous and respected. That's what God says.
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The Bible According to Brad