Ecclesiastes 1:1 to 12:1
1:1 The words of the preacher, the son of King David in Jerusalem.
Everything is nothing, absolutely nothing. Everything is absolutely nothing. People live and people die but the Earth just keeps on keeping on. The sun rises and the sun sets. The wind blows, the river flows. There is nothing new under the sun. Nobody knows what it was like before we existed and someday it will be just like that again, all gone and forgotten. The more you know and understand the more depressing it is.
2:1 I wanted so much to have fun and succeed at life. I built nice houses and beautiful gardens with pools and then I looked over what I had worked so hard for and realized it meant nothing. Absolutely nothing. There is no real profit in living this life. The wise and the foolish both die and are equally soon forgotten, forgotten completely. I realized this and therefore I became bitter and hated life in general. I had worked so hard and all for nothing. When I die someone else will briefly enjoy what I've built and who knows what kind of dickwad that person that will be. After reviewing all of this with my great wisdom, I deduced the following. There is nothing better for a man to do than to eat, drink, and be merry. Party hardy my boys. Lay down the boogie and play that funky music till you die.
I also perceived that this is actually God's plan, and always was. Anything else is meaningless and frustrating.
3:1 To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven. A time of birth, a time of death. A time to kill, a time to heal. A time to cry, a time to laugh. A time to win, a time to lose. A time to love, a time to hate. A time of war, a time of peace. A time to bitch and a time to refrain from bitching. God has everything all planned out and men can't even understand it, or know it, or do a single damn thing to change any of it.
Man is just an animal like any other animal. Men and animals both breathe the same air, eat the same foods, and both are guaranteed to die. Man is no better than an animal and his life means nothing. Every one of us goes to the same place when we die. We all turn to dust. Therefore it is best to enjoy life as best you can while you can. You won't know anything or feel anything that happens after you're dead.
4:1 I have considered all of the things I have seen in my life and decided it is much better to be dead than alive. Even better is not to have ever been born at all so as not to witness how horrible life is and all the suffering in the world.
4:9 Two heads are better than one. They work better. Two people can sleep together and keep each other warm, and they can defend each other.
5:2 Be very careful what you say in church and in front of God. Better yet say as little as possible. The problem is that if you promise God something you had better deliver. Make no promises to God and that way you won't have to deliver. We came into the world buck naked and we will go out buck naked and in between is mostly sadness.
6:1 I have seen something evil. God makes a man rich and powerful and it all means nothing. If the man lives two thousand years he will still not see anything good to make life worthwhile. When we die we all go to the same desolate place. Oblivion.
7:1 A good name and reputation is better than good skin lotion and death is better than birth. Sorrow is typically more appropriate than laughter. The end of something is always better than the beginning. Consider for example Gods handiwork. Who can straighten what God has bent out of shape?
This I have seen repeatedly, the overly righteous good people die young and the wicked live long and prosper. So don't bother being too self-righteous. Why destroy yourself? There is not one man on Earth who is always good and never bad anyway.
Don't take too seriously everything that is said. You yourself have said things you shouldn't have at some time. This I know for I am very wise, yes very very wise, and I have seen much.
Women are a more bitter thing than death. Men that please God will escape women's traps but the sinner will be caught by them. I have found that one man in a thousand is good but in all my searching I have yet to find one decent woman.
8:1 Who is truly wise? In fact who really knows anything? I suggest you forget about wisdom and just follow your king's laws. No one knows the future and no one has power over death. Many times I have seen both the wicked and the holy die, and be buried, and now nobody remembers either one of them. And generally speaking the punishment of wicked people is not executed speedily.
Sometimes the rewards for good and bad seem totally backwards. Thus I say again, it is all for nothing. Man has nothing better to do than to eat, drink and be merry. Stuff food in your face, suck down the brewskies, and dance about like an idiot because that’s what you are. I've examined all of God's work and concluded that there is no understanding it no matter how hard you work at it. You might think you understand but let me tell you something, you don't.
9:4 Better to be a live dog than a dead lion. For even though the living know they will die someday, the dead know absolutely nothing and have absolutely no memories. Everything that the dead use to think and feel is gone forever. So go ahead and hit the buffet and drink lots of wine while you can. Live as joyfully as you can and whoop it up all the days of your short stupid meaningless life, for in the grave there is no work, no things, no knowledge, and no wisdom.
The fastest doesn't always win the race and the strongest doesn't always win the battle. Likewise neither does wealth always go to the smartest because luck plays a large part of it. Luck plays a huge part of it.
9:15 There was once a poor but wise man who saved a small city from a large army. No one remembers or cares who that man was.
10:1 It only takes a few dead flies to make ointment all stinky and similarly a little foolishness damages the whole reputation of an otherwise good man.
Be warned that he who digs a pit will fall into it and he who damages the shrubs will be bitten by a snake.
A feast is made for laughter, and wine makes you happy, but money is the answer to everything. Money talks, and I mean talks loudly.
Do not cuss the king, or say bad things about him, or mention him in a bad way at all, even in the privacy of your own bedroom. A little bird might hear you and tattle on you.
11:1 Cast your bread upon the water and after many days you will find it again, a little soggy but whatever. I’m just saying, share your bread. Even if a man lives long and enjoys himself he should remember that there will be many days of darkness after that. Everything to come in the future is meaningless. Young men should enjoy themselves now and do whatever the hell they want to do. On the other hand remember God will be watching you and judging you harshly the whole time.
12:1 Young people remember your creator now before you get old and life is miserable. There will come a dark and sad time when you must die and turn to mere dust. Then the essence of your life will leave you forever. Everything is nothing, absolutely nothing. I am a wise preacher so listen to me. I know what I am talking about. Here is my conclusion then. Fear God. Fear him and obey his rules closely. It is your duty. God knows all of your secrets and he will be judging you by your works.
That is all. Have a nice day.
Next: An Old Fashioned Love Song
The Bible According to Brad