I have recently been thinking of ways to explain evolution to everyday Christians, mainly members of my family. I’ve been watching videos and reading books & blogs in order to familiarize myself with evolution and its mechanism. The theory of evolution is definitely a question raiser and I’d like to be able to answer them accurately.

But a thought popped into my head a few days ago and I’ve been thinking on it ever since. . .

Evolution seems so anti-god to most Christians. This is because it goes against their traditional theology. God created Adam and Eve. Adam and Eve make babies. Those babies turned into sinful humans. God drowned all the humans except for Noah. Noah & his immediate family make babies…and the story on.
[and on..and on…and on..]

The thought that we evolved from something that doesn’t look human is just appalling to most Christians.So, we need a way to help Christians understand evolution in their own language: The Bible.

…And what do Christians love to do with their Bible?

Change it, twist it, and interpret it for whatever purpose it serves at the time.

[Let me take the time to explain some of the ‘rational’ thinking that goes on in the minds of my family members:
• One ‘day’ could mean anything to god because he’s outside time and space. In other words, one day to god may be a 1,000 years to humans.
• The Bible has fallacies because it was written by humans and humans are prone to making mistakes.
• You can pick & choose what you want out of the Bible & still be a Christian (Yes, my aunt said that.)
• Some stuff’s literal …Some stuff is metaphorical...Who knows!

I know..I know..but just go with me here...]


Note: I began writing this next piece in all seriousness with the intent of wording the Christian theology around evolution. As I typed, I kept thinking about how bullshit religion is. The sarcasm flowed and the story transformed into something else. I’ll be doing a continuation piece at a later date! I can't leave out the 'real' story of Jesus!


Okay, here we go…


Adam and Eve represent the first signs of life on Earth created by God. Using natural selection [which God invented], God allowed life to flourish across the entire planet; every plant, animal, and organism coming from one common ancestor. A few hundred human million years into God’s project, he realized that several of his creatures had become overly aggressive and large in size. Then, God caused a catastrophic event and the majority of dinosaurs became instinct. Now, there was plenty of space for the mammals to thrive. God knew that one of these creatures would become one of his greatest creations.

For the next few hundred million years, everything on Earth evolved just as God had intended it to. Eventually, the great ape family began to diverge and form marvelous creatures. God watched as his favorite creation began to learn how to walk upright as He and the Angels did. He watched as human ancestors began to use natural tools in the hunt for their own food. He watched as we learned to plant our on food and provide ourselves with our own shelter. Like a good father, God watched us as we took each step and grew into the world around us. He let us explore and find the way to him on our own.

Soon, small tribes of people evolved into small cities. Small cities grew into kingdoms. The knowledge of the world had brought the knowledge of power. This led to kingdoms fighting for control over its neighbor. With modern humans becoming overly aggressive and large in size, God realized that they would soon meet the same fate as the dinosaurs. For the first time in the history of Earth, an intervention by the hand of God was needed.

After conversing with several humans, God realized they had not yet evolved to understand the workings of the universe. Most had an understanding that the Earth was flat and the center of the universe. The ancient people also thought many gods were controlling the sun, rain, earthquakes, diseases, and other natural processes that the One True God had put into place.

Several moments later, God appeared to several different men who lived in the desert lands of Earth. Instead of explaining atoms, molecules, genetics, tectonic plates, precipitation, evolution and all of the other scientific facts, he gave them several fables*. Using allegorical stories like “Adam and Eve” and “Noah’s Ark”, God allowed the ancient people to understand the history of the Earth. God knew that his favorite creation would continue to explore their world and would one day evolve to understand the complex workings of the Universe.

*I use the word ‘fable’ because when it’s coming gawd it’s not a lie!


To Be Continued. . .

~Scarlette Blues

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Tags: Did, God, It, ScarletteBlues

Comment by Jim Minion on June 18, 2011 at 3:16pm
There is no need for Jesus if the Adam and Eve story is not true (no original sin), so Xians have a vested interest in the fable.
Comment by Scarlette Blues on June 18, 2011 at 6:53pm
Yeah, this definitely isn't a tactic for the "literal" Christians. I think we forget that there are Christians in American who don't believe in the literal truth of the Bible. The majority of my mother's side (whom this is directed toward) believe the Bible should be taken with a grain of salt. They realize that the Bible has been tampered with by many people and some of it is not from 'God'. They're definitely "pick & choose" Christians.

On Jesus, I have an idea in mind for the his story. I'm going to sit on it for a few days and see how I can flip it around. . .who know's where this will go lol :)

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