This isn't really a call for advice--I kind of just need to vent--although of course any opinions and insights are welcome!
So, I recently just figured out that I am aromantic (this essentially means that I have no interest in being in a romantic relationship). I came out to my mom, and it went really well. We had a great, affirming conversation about it and I finally feel more like myself.
One of the things that came up in our conversation was how I wished that I could talk to my uncle about what I was going through with this new discovery. My uncle, who was gay, died when I was very young, so I never got to know him. And in recent years I've been wishing that I could have gotten to know him more, and I especially want to know what he went through when he found out he was gay, or growing up as a gay boy in the Midwest in the 70s, etc.
Now, my mom believes in psychics and ghosts. And a psychic told her that my uncle was with his nieces and nephews, but he was especially looking out for her youngest daughter (that would be me).
I know that psychics and ghosts are not real. I know that people who claim to feel or see their dead loved ones are just practicing wishful thinking. But part of me SO wants this to be true; I WANT to believe that my uncle is here and looking out for me.
Is it harmful to partake in this fantasy? Is it wrong to pretend that my uncle is with me even though deep down I know he isn't? I'm just filled with so much sadness sometimes that he was never part of my life, so it'd be nice to think that he is.
So, that's my vent, thanks for listening (well, reading). :)

Views: 117

Comment by Strega on March 12, 2017 at 11:43am
In a way, he is with you. Relationships are a two way event and you would still carry your half of it. I miss my dad but I know what he would say at any particular event so in a way I still have him.

Is it ok to deceive yourself? If you know deep down what the truth is, then you are only comforting yourself, not actually deceiving. Sounds fine to me.
Comment by Beth on March 12, 2017 at 11:51am

Thanks Strega!

Comment by Beth on March 12, 2017 at 11:52am

In other news, I just came out to my dad too and it also went really well. I am so lucky on the parent front.

Comment by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on March 12, 2017 at 12:18pm

Hi Beth,

I recall a talk by Hitchens who said it did not matter that he never met Socrates or Shakespeare. He can meet them anytime by reading their works. It is similar to you and your uncle. You can empathize with him and met him in your thoughts and imagine the forms your conversations might take. Yes, it is fantasy but so what??  Enjoy your conversations and see where they take you. I reckon you may even learn deeper insights about life from them that you can pass on to others. When they ask you how you got so wise you can share a smile with your uncle :-)

I like what Brian Cox says on the subject of ghosts. I think I like the way he says it even more.

Comment by Davis Goodman on March 12, 2017 at 12:21pm


What Strega said!

Comment by Beth on March 12, 2017 at 12:34pm

Thanks guys! I love that Brian Cox bit. :)

Comment by Zombie Athiest on March 12, 2017 at 5:03pm
I don't have anything to say, which has not been said already. Strega and Reg know what they're talking about. Though sending lots of virtual hugs your way!
Comment by Belle Rose on March 12, 2017 at 6:12pm
Hi Beth, I know this is weird to say but for my birthday Simon Payton bought me a psychic reading. So far she has been SPOT ON....In a very eerie sort of way...and two Christmases ago my best friend and I went to a theta healer...It too did some good.

Is this shit real? I don't fucking know....but I know there is "something" to it...
Comment by Jake LaFort on March 12, 2017 at 6:15pm

So asexuals from what i have read are not sexual but are romantic. Are aromantics sexual but not romantic (not desiring long-term bond in relationship)

Seems like a way of daydreaming with structure. Aint nuthin wrong wit dat. We all need escapism and what a cool outlet it is!

Comment by Reg The Fronkey Farmer on March 12, 2017 at 6:36pm

Confession – I was speed reading your post and thought you wrote that you were “aromatic”. So just how nice do you smell?? haha...


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