So the title of my blog today is Get Off My Lawn.  The reason I have chosen to title it as such is because I feel like a sour, mean, crotchety, toothless old man in a wife beater sitting on his porch with a shotgun yelling at the neighborhood kids to "Get off my lawn!!!"

In this instance, I will assume the role of the mean old man, and I will hold that position with pride.  The neighborhood kids in this instance are theists, mainly Christians.  Since I am a lower middle-class white dude living in Southern Indiana, Christianity is what I see on a daily basis. 

The other day, as I'm driving to my house from work, it came to my realization that there are far too many churches near my home.  I'll elaborate.  The road I live off of is probably a little less than a mile long, or right at a mile long.  Give or take, of course.  When you first turn onto this road, there is a church on the corner.  About a quarter of a mile down the road, there is another church, which is on the corner of the street that I live on.  I can see this church from my front yard.  On the next block, probably a hundred yards from that church, is another church.  This church is less than a year old.  It's actually a remodeled elementary school.  It shut down a couple years ago and was then turned into a church.....I won't even point out the irony here.  Now, about another block down the road is another church.  That's 4 churches on one very short stretch of road.  If I were to go to all of those churches, it would be like religious bar hopping.  Seriously, it's completely fucking unnecessary to have 4 churches on just one road. 

About an eighth of a mile from my house, on the street I actually live on, is a junior high school, and directly behind that is a high school.  When you get to the other side of the street where my house lies, the count of churches starts all over.  There are about 3 more within walking distance.  I seriously have 7 churches within walking distance of my home. 

You know what's not within walking distance to my home?  A hospital.  Though it isn't too far from my residence, walking there would take a few hours at the very least.  It sickens me to see so many churches so close to my home.  Thankfully, I will soon be moving out of this neighborhood and into a new neighborhood where a strip club is within walking distance.  I, being a realist, know that a strip club has done more for my "spirituality" than any church, even when I have 7 to choose from in such a short span of asphalt. 

I don't understand the logic behind having so many churches in such a small area.  Granted, they are all different denominations, so I guess they're competing with each other, sort of like a Burger King opening up right across the street from a McDonald's. 

I know it's quite rude to say I want these churches out of the neighborhood, and that people can believe in whatever mythological sky creature they would like, but I do.  I don't like going down the street and seeing so many churches that I feel like someone may have slipped some LSD into my drink and that I'm hallucinating.  However, to show that I am, in so many ways, better than most Christians, I don't write letters to the mayor, or the newspaper, or protest on the sidewalk in front of these churches.  I barely even pay them any mind anymore.  When a Christian's religious toes are stepped on, they rally the Jesus troops and throw giant temper tantrums and make signs and stop traffic and scream at people to "Stop this war on God!"

Fuck you, you ignorant assholes.  There is no war on god when people make the claim that your beliefs are bullshit.  It's nodifferent than someone telling you that they don't like your favorite color.  That's your opinion, and it may be fine for you, but for someone else, it's ugly and it has no place in his/her life. That's not a war.  Sorry, fundamentalist, closed-minded ass gaskets. You are, once again, as you are in so many other aspects of your unicorn filled lives, wrong.

All I'm doing is saying that your opinion doesn't match mine, and it just so happens that your opinion is so full of holes that it's more gangster than Al Capone.  Your opinion is just an opinion based upon thousands of years of hate-mongering, sexist, uneducated, murderous drivel.  My opinion is based upon thousands of years of scientific growth, theory, testing, and proof.  My opinion makes far more sense to me, and it would make more sense to you, if you were to really sit down and think about it.  However, the argument with Christians and other theists is a never-ending argument, and no one will ever win.  Even if it was proven that God didn't exist, theists would use it as a sign to strengthen their faith, and that God was testing them, or that Satan was interfering.  There's always some bullshit response that has about as much merit as a politician's promise. 

I don't have a whole lot to really rant about in regards to all of this, other than I'm comfortable being the role of the dusty old fart on his porch, and I will continue to yell at the neighborhood kids to get off my lawn.  It's going to continue far beyond my years, and probably far beyond the years of our children's children's children.  I don't care.  As long as people are here to fight for the rights for all, that's what matters.

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