"You are as beautiful as a garden of baby jesus's" My friend Kelsey said to me.

My reply, "You are a garden of baby Jesus's" 

Kelsy,"Yup i'm just popin' them out my womb!" 

My explanation for the birth of Jesus. "See there's this imaginary man in the sky, lets call him God. He has a little imaginary ball-sack with little imaginary baby jesus spermies in em. Now, this imaginary man in the sky took those little imaginary spermies and inserted them into a virgins womb. Thus a carpenter was born!" 

If I was Severus Snape I'd give you detention all the time, so I could bask in the glory of your beauty.

I may not be an Animagus but I can be an animal in bed. 

"If I could bottle all the beauty in the world, I would name it Kelsey." I say.

"No, the name would be Amber." Kelsey says.

"But that's tree sap." I say

"Pretty tree sap." Kelsey says

"No, the tree sap that little buggies died in." I say.

AND many more to come =)