This path called Life is a strange one and one I plan on elaborating on but for now suffice to say that although my profile says I'm a Christian - and I am indeed a Christian - I'm a confused one, a questioning one.
This is far from a new thing for me, I was a believer for most of my life, then became an atheist, and then was born again and "properly a Christian", which involved all kinds of new things for me - just things I'd never given much thought before like baptism, church and fellowship.
I'm now at a point where my confusion and questioning has hit somewhat of a wall, and it's not that I want to rebel from my faith, but there are many things that simply don't make sense.
I like to think of myself as an intelligent person, but also a person with a good heart (that statement may also be reversed). That doesn't mean I'm perfect and I made all the correct decisions all the time though.
Naturally I want all the good things in my faith - but I also intelligently can't ignore the bad.
I want it to make sense - all of it - not just some of it and some might say that you can't have full wisdom of God until you reach heaven, and in a way I can understand that, I imagine when one looks back on their life and the bigger picture of things one would understand a whole lot more, heck to a certain degree, I can do that with my childhood now. However I'm not sure I would agree with the fact that we cannot understand God, the bible, etc... we must have been given brains for a reason and I intend to use mine. Just as I intend to use my heart/emotions too.
My questioning nature, is somewhat of a problem for my faith and trying to direct it so that it helps my faith and not hinders it, is no easy feat at all.
I sometimes wonder if my connection with Christianity makes me rebel against complete atheism, but also my connection with atheism makes me rebel against Christianity. Does this make me doomed to be agnostic? Purely agnostic?