I found an online acquaintance in a roundabout way on LiveJournal (yes, that dinosaur) and sent her a friend request.  I'd have been fine with the first part of her explanation for declining (it's only my RL face-to-face circle of friends, nothing personal).  But what stung was what she went on to say:
We're all pagans, Dionysians, Kemetics, polydiests, or combination of the four. Oh, and one very open minded Christian. So, it's not your gang of folks and subject matter anyway, I don't think. 

And of course, "Thank you for understanding."


At first I was pissed.  Who the hell is this person to decide who my "gang of folks" and what my subject matter is anyway?  I should get to decide that, not her.


Next, I blamed myself.  I came across too angry on Twitter when I called astrology woo.  I was too elitist, exclusive, rude, arrogant... the adjectives kept coming.


Now I guess I'm in the "well that just fucking sucks" phase.  The only reason I even sent her the friend request was to see what she'd written that lined to my WordPress.  Now I'm even thinking of just closing up the LJ altogether.  I feel (and surely sound) like a pissed-off teenager.


Ego strokes?  Pep-talks?  Reality checks? Whatcha got?

Views: 36

Comment by Jay Malone on February 11, 2011 at 4:36pm

Yeah, that does suck. But really, it's her loss I think. It just shows the level of exclusion that people with that kind of thinking really exhibit. A lot of people would include atheists among that group as well, in terms of exclusion, but there's a very big difference with out mode of thinking. We're up to chat about it all! It's like you said, "let me decide what subject matter i wanna talk about" (not a direct quote obviously) I'm a lot like you that way. I'd love to have at it with a "gang of theists". Why? Because "our gang" LIKES to ask questions and have discussions. Of course we also like to be rational. Which is where it all typically unravels in those types of discussions.


But we have to understand that for the most part religious types don't want us in there. They stick to discussing these matters with people like themselves who aren't likely to challenge them. Because let's be honest, it's not hard to point out contradictions and illogical assertions on their side when you get right down to it. And who wants to be challenged when they're standing in a house made of glass. 


So my "pep-talk" would be, don't let it get you down. It's a lot like being upset that a 'moderate racist' doesn't want to 'let you in on the joke' because they know that you wouldn't agree with the subject matter. Take the high road my friend! And let her have her group of 'yes men'. 

Comment by Laura Foster on February 11, 2011 at 11:36pm

Yeah, you know, having had some time away from the computer and just doing my regular mundane thing gave me some time to think about stuff.


She's not a bad person, and she's not a nut.  Hell, I think she's really a fun person to talk and joke around with.  I think what she is, is afraid.  She's afraid that that cranky atheist is going to come into her circle of friends and gripe about every little comment that I don't believe/agree with, and really, they're having a dandy time with their discussions of magick-with-a-k and crystals and patterns that aren't really there.  If I come along, it will ruin their fun.  And if they were really secure in their beliefs in magick-with-a-k, the likes of me wouldn't change that.  So there's that.


I don't dislike her.  I'm hurt, which is a normal human reaction.  And what she did is also a normal human thing: being afraid but wanting to keep things smoothed over with everyone.  So I'm not going to hold a grudge.  I've got my people, she's got hers, and that's fine by me.


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