Defeating the Bible--One Chapter at a Time (Genesis Chapter 2) Part 2

Here’s another one:

NOD!?!?!?!??! Any Command and Conquer fans here, reading this? I need to contact GDI. Was Eden so green because it was made of tiberium? Is Kane there? Alright so the Garden of Eden stretches from Africa to Iraq area to Eastern Turkey.

“The LORD God gave man this order: "You are free to eat from any of the trees of the garden except the tree of knowledge of good and bad. From that tree you shall not eat; the moment you eat from it you are surely doomed to die." The LORD God said: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a suitable partner for him." So the LORD God formed out of the ground various wild animals and various birds of the air, and he brought them to the man to see what he would call them; whatever the man called each of them would be its name. The man gave names to all the cattle, all the birds of the air, and all the wild animals; but none proved to be the suitable partner for the man. So the LORD God cast a deep sleep on the man, and while he was asleep, he took out one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. The LORD God then built up into a woman the rib that he had taken from the man. When he brought her to the man, the man said: "This one, at last, is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; This one shall be called 'woman,' for out of 'her man' this one has been taken." That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body. The man and his wife were both naked, yet they felt no shame.”

Have any of you met a child? If you say not to do something, the child will do it. If you tell them to do something they won’t. Simple. “It is not good for the man to be alone.” Why is it, after 2,000 years, we have created a prison system in which man is alone?? Yea, animals will make man feel better about being alone, in a Garden, naked, with this really big guy watching over him. Think about it; man and a male God, in the middle of nowhere . . . alone. Brokeback Mountain tent scene. Just sayin’. Man made all the names for the animals. Is this common names or scientific names? Cattle, birds, wild animals. Were these animals there, or were they magically created and jumped into existence out of nowhere. “And so God put man into a deep sleep and sent every creature unto man, to make sweet monkey love, because God has a twisted sense of humour.” What? You didn’t see that line? It’s right there. Anyway, God just did surgery. Doctor, Geneticist, and Creator all rolled into one. He took a rib and closed it with flesh. Of course, you close it with flesh. If not flesh, was he gonna use rubber. No, he’ll just use a piece of the cow and cover up the hole. So, woman is borne out of man. Feminists, get ready. Just goes to show you that the bible is ‘male-oriented’. Woman is there while man and God get busy in the tent, pulling out their ‘ribs’.

And so, Week two is finished!!!! W00T-age!

What will happen in week three?

Tune in next time for a new exciting adventure in:

Defeating the Bible—One Chapter at a Time!

P.S. I had to move this one into two parts since it was far too big to fit into one.

Views: 68

Comment by Trevauhn Grant on February 11, 2010 at 6:47am
Wow...what a great bible study, did you come up with this all on your own. Keep talking like this and people might just take you for a fool. If you're going to comment on each chapter in the bible, at least write something worth writing. ick...
Comment by Pinko Commie on February 11, 2010 at 12:01pm
Trevauhn Grant - If you feel you can do better, why don't you mirror this person's efforts and do your own analysis instead of leaving an entirely non constructive, rude comment on his blog? It's easy for people to sit on the sidelines and criticize others for the efforts they make, but it seems like those same hecklers are conspicuously absent when it comes to contributing themselves.

You want to be a Christian on an atheist site - fine. But at least have the guts to actually contribute instead of lurking in the shadows, only coming out long enough to make snotty remarks void of any actual content.

Andrew - I apologize for my xtian internet stalker. I'm sure he'll get himself banned soon enough. :(
Comment by Amie R L on February 11, 2010 at 3:33pm
Thank you for your practical interpretation of the sacred text. The notion of it being “sacred” is what makes all the contradictions melt away, but if you look closely it has made the entire collection fuzzy. Those you believe the words in the sacred texts have to look at them from very far away or right up on one sentence, ignoring the rest of the injustices. Christians Christians everywhere… Trevauhn Grant is this website your cross to carry? Lay it down, walk away. He already paid it all, right?!?! Talk to your counselor/youth pastor/minister board to get better ideas of how to get yourself persecuted for his name sake, I think you goggling and then picking a atheist website is a copout!
Comment by Amie R L on February 19, 2010 at 12:41pm
Delete Comment NICK... The second version (or the less known version), is this included in the Torah? I would think not, since the largest contribution made by Judaism is monotheism. Are you refering to the use of eloheem- as a plural to state "gods?" Is this still in the Torah? Meaning has Judaism cut the second version out just as the Christians have? Or to more moderate Jews not take everything so literally? So that the creation story is not taken literally?


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