Up until recently I had been a believer, but never a true christian. I got baptized at about 12 years old but never read the bible, I just believed in god and didn’t want to hell. The church I went too is located in Franklinton, North Carolina. Don’t bother looking for it on the map because you probably wont find it. Anyways it was a black baptist christian church, but they was always shouting and acting a fool and all that shit. I think I seen somebody's head to a 360 turn like on the exorcist and shit. Some of em used to speak in tongue, which they deemed a ''special'' gift and you could only speak if you had a translator or some shit.
Later on in my so called ''christian'' life I would start asking questions like ''if god knew everything and made us knowing some of us would go to hell, then why make those people who he knew would not believe in the first place?'' Any kind of question that a rational person would ask could not be answered by any of my church family because they would say things like ''dont question god'' this is what alerted my no god meter, but I learned form a young age to not question god, so I didnt not out loud anyway. about a year and a half ago I officially stopped going to church, but I still believed in god. Even though I still believed I would start seeing contradictions in the bible and think If this is gods perfect word, then how come this contradicts what he says in an earlier chapter? Like thou shalt not kill, but then here he is helping kill women and children in wars and taking all the virgins for concubines.
About 2 months ago is when I really started questioning whether god was real or not. I started searching the internet and read up on the history of the christianity and started to really read my bible. Those 2 things, the bible itself and the internet, are what eventually lead me to finally say to myself out loud "I really am an atheist." I kinda figured I was all along but I guess i didnt want to admit to myself. Every since then I have never felt better and I finally feel free. "deconverting" actually wasn't that hard as I had always been a skeptic at anything and I am the kind of person to question things.
The sad part about all this is that none of my family can see any of the atrocities and contradictions in the bible. They are too scared or too far gone into the christian religion to question their ''holy book.'' This is just the start of my journey, and my search for the truth shall be an interesting one. The hard part of all this will be the actual coming out to my family and friends, but I will save that for another time.....