In case no one has noticed from any of my posts or my screen name, I tend to be a cynical guy. I'd say that the main source of my cynicism is personal experience. One of the things in particular that I'm cynical about is the existence potential benefits to be derived from me being (informally) social. Now, when I say social I actually mean social, as in face to face, real world socializing. This Internet stuff is great, but it doesn't count as "true" socializing in my book. I find that I have a hard time connecting with those around me, and I find myself spending more and more time alone.
This is good for several reasons (time to reflect, gain knowledge, think) but I understand that I'm missing out on a core part of being human. Of course, I have had social relationships with people but I can't say I feel as if I've thoroughly enjoyed them. I did indeed grow from them, however many of those relationships were painful as well as stressful. I'm not particularly close to my family either. My relationship with my father is superficial at best and I feel distant from my mother. I should have called my ailing uncle weeks ago but I just couldn't find the will to do so.
I question the good that sociality can bring me at this point. It seems tedious and burdensome. Perhaps I'm moving from cynicism to pessimism, but I have a hard time imagining me benefiting greatly from informal social contact. I go to college on a physical campus and I do socialize somewhat, but simply I don't click with any of the people I speak to. I find myself often wanting to simply get the job done and go home. I get good grades but I haven't made any true "friends."
One of the numerous things I'm procrastinating on getting done is calling up my cousin and arranging a time to meet up with him (he now lives far from me). One would think a young man wouldn't find that something to procrastinate on but I find myself a special case in this instance. He has numerous connections, hell, maybe I could even hook up with one of the girls he knows and have a drunken one night stand - but I don't see how that could be any good for me. I'm not going to give up on trying to be social (not that I have a choice) but until I experience something that changes my mind I'm a disbeliever in all things supernatural and the ability of sociality (in my life) to generate meaningful, long-lasting relationships with other individuals.