Cynicism towards Sociality
In case no one has noticed from any of my posts or my screen name, I tend to be a cynical guy. I'd say that the main source of my cynicism is personal experience. One of the things in particular that I'm cynical about is the existence potential benefits to be derived from me being (informally) social. Now, when I say social I actually mean social, as in face to face, real world socializing. This Internet stuff is great, but it doesn't count as "true" socializing in my book. I find that I have a hard time connecting with those around me, and I find myself spending more and more time alone.
This is good for several reasons (time to reflect, gain knowledge, think) but I understand that I'm missing out on a core part of being human. Of course, I have had social relationships with people but I can't say I feel as if I've thoroughly enjoyed them. I did indeed grow from them, however many of those relationships were painful as well as stressful. I'm not particularly close to my family either. My relationship with my father is superficial at best and I feel distant from my mother. I should have called my ailing uncle weeks ago but I just couldn't find the will to do so.
I question the good that sociality can bring me at this point. It seems tedious and burdensome. Perhaps I'm moving from cynicism to pessimism, but I have a hard time imagining me benefiting greatly from informal social contact. I go to college on a physical campus and I do socialize somewhat, but simply I don't click with any of the people I speak to. I find myself often wanting to simply get the job done and go home. I get good grades but I haven't made any true "friends."
One of the numerous things I'm procrastinating on getting done is calling up my cousin and arranging a time to meet up with him (he now lives far from me). One would think a young man wouldn't find that something to procrastinate on but I find myself a special case in this instance. He has numerous connections, hell, maybe I could even hook up with one of the girls he knows and have a drunken one night stand - but I don't see how that could be any good for me. I'm not going to give up on trying to be social (not that I have a choice) but until I experience something that changes my mind I'm a disbeliever in all things supernatural and the ability of sociality (in my life) to generate meaningful, long-lasting relationships with other individuals.
This is good for several reasons (time to reflect, gain knowledge, think) but I understand that I'm missing out on a core part of being human. Of course, I have had social relationships with people but I can't say I feel as if I've thoroughly enjoyed them. I did indeed grow from them, however many of those relationships were painful as well as stressful. I'm not particularly close to my family either. My relationship with my father is superficial at best and I feel distant from my mother. I should have called my ailing uncle weeks ago but I just couldn't find the will to do so.
I question the good that sociality can bring me at this point. It seems tedious and burdensome. Perhaps I'm moving from cynicism to pessimism, but I have a hard time imagining me benefiting greatly from informal social contact. I go to college on a physical campus and I do socialize somewhat, but simply I don't click with any of the people I speak to. I find myself often wanting to simply get the job done and go home. I get good grades but I haven't made any true "friends."
One of the numerous things I'm procrastinating on getting done is calling up my cousin and arranging a time to meet up with him (he now lives far from me). One would think a young man wouldn't find that something to procrastinate on but I find myself a special case in this instance. He has numerous connections, hell, maybe I could even hook up with one of the girls he knows and have a drunken one night stand - but I don't see how that could be any good for me. I'm not going to give up on trying to be social (not that I have a choice) but until I experience something that changes my mind I'm a disbeliever in all things supernatural and the ability of sociality (in my life) to generate meaningful, long-lasting relationships with other individuals.
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Comment by Renshia on May 18, 2010 at 1:41am -
I understand completely, For the most part I despise having to interact with people. It is usually such a waste of energy. I love being alone, and am never lonely. It takes six rings on the phone for me to decide to answer it and it kicks into the machine on five...lol
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Comment by QM on May 18, 2010 at 8:13am -
I guess I am not the only one who has something against too much human interaction..May be its me or maybe its the kind of people I am forced to interact with :-)
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Comment by Cynical Soldier on May 18, 2010 at 11:07am -
I hear you guys. I actually do want to be more social but I myself discouraged when I try. I'm not an awkward guy and I can hold a conversation, it's just that things aren't working out for me thus far.
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Comment by QM on May 18, 2010 at 4:21pm
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I wanted to be more social as well and it often left me depressed because it always didn't go very well. But gradually I have learned to live with it. Not that I am completely anti social but I think I have discovered that my most creative moments are when I am all by myself and I have started using this positively.
Even though I too would like to be more social but I guess I am wired this way. Plus as I said rather than meeting superficial people I am better off alone. Hope things work for you better, mate!
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Comment by Renshia on May 18, 2010 at 4:38pm
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I think I am a fairly social person as well. When i need to be. I have always thought I am an introvert, with extrovert training.
I did vacuum sales once and was very good at it. I had to stop because I could not stand how easy it was to manipulate people. I would walk in knowing they are thinking the last thing they needed was a two thousand dollar vacuum and wishing I would screw off. By the end of the meeting they're feeding me supper and excited about doing some vacuuming. At first I thought I was just good at what I was doing, then I realized they were just gullible, then I couldn't stand the fact that I was party to it. I think that is one thing that drives me away from people. We are so easily distracted from real things."
I always think of the quote, You can get away with anything as long as you use humor to do it". I find that quite true.
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Comment by Cynical Soldier on May 18, 2010 at 7:56pm
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Thanks for all your comments.
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