I think as Atheists many of us simply think differently in a very basic sort of way than our God fearing creationist brothers. Maybe even as children it was a little harder to instill in us the fear of an invisible man in the sky.

I woke up early this morning and lay there thinking about the things I was told about God. I think every other member of my family would call themselves Christian, though few of them regularly attend church. I was probably only dragged into church 4 or 5 time in my childhood.

But, I was told that God resided in every stone, twig, leaf, insect and everything and everywhere else in this world. I'm not sure there is any scriptual evidence to back this up, but that is what I was told.

So,  I set the way-back machine in my head to waaay back and tried to remember what may have been the first clues that planted the seed of doubt in my brain.

It must have been the summer after third grade. I was standing in the yard alone and I was PISSED OFF!! I can't remember why. My mom probably kicked me out to go play while I was watching cartoons or something. I just remember being mad at the world.

I was actually standing there shaking my tiny fist at the empty sky and I began cursing God with glaring hatred. Spouting every bit of vile profanity that an 8 or 9 year old boy could muster. I had learned what seemed to me to be some pretty wicked expletives from my school mates the year before.

Catching myself I suddenly thought "Oh Shit! Now you've done it.

I froze in silence, waiting. No lightning bolt from the sky.  Nothing around me but blue sky and sunshine. I was sure Satan would pop up any second and spear me with his pitchfork like the last bean on a dinner plate. But nothing happened then or all that day, nor did I die in my sleep that night. I've never told anyone about this and no one seemed to notice, not God or Jesus or even the Devil. I guess I thought somewhere in the back of my mind that God didn't notice or didn't care or maybe I really was just shaking my fist at an empty sky.

I guess it may have been this simple incident that imported the first little worm that began eating away at the dogma that had been poured into my empty little head.

I wonder does anyone else have any really early memories that may have deposited seeds of doubt.

Views: 35

Comment by Misty: Baytheist Living! on May 1, 2011 at 2:32pm

Thanks for sharing. 

Reading your childhood memories of initial doubt made me think of my own and smile. 


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