When I am aware enough to really observe what is going on around me, I can't help but realize that life is sublime and absurd. As an occupational therapist in a skilled nursing facility, I am often in a ideal position to experience some wondrous things. One of the residents I’m working with wanted me to go with her to “mass”. To the extent that my presence was going to facilitate her participating in something meaningful for her, I went with her. Although I am not a Christian, I have a certain level of reverence for religious rituals in general, so I observed quietly. They got to the part where they handed out wafers as “the body of Christ,” and one of residents did not close her mouth when the wafer was placed on her tongue. The crazy wafer lady then started to poke the end of the wafer into the lady’s mouth like she was feeding hay to a horse. It was awful.
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Then I realized this must be the same lady I about whom had I had heard an even stranger story. At another mass, one of the residents, who has moderate dementia, dropped her wafer down her shirt. The wafer landed somewhere in her ample bosom. The lady handing out the wafers tried to retrieve it! The resident was understandably alarmed and became upset that this lady had her hand down her shirt. The wafer could not be located, and the lady was beside herself. Apparently the lady went with the resident to the resident’s room, had a nursing assistant retrieve the wayward wafer, and then crazy wafer lady ATE it. Whoa!  What went wrong here? I bet Jesus, if he did exist, would be shaking his head about this one!  He’d probably be thinking, “It’s a SYMBOL, guys!” Don’t take everything so literally, for my sake!

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Comment by Scott A. Hunt on December 17, 2011 at 9:21am

PZ Myers managed to get his hands on one and do something to it.  I thought there was a picture somewhere but I couldn't find it.  Here are the articles on his site though.

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2008/07/its_a_goddamned_cracker.php

http://scienceblogs.com/pharyngula/2008/07/the_great_desecration.php

Comment by Diane on December 17, 2011 at 12:49pm

I had no idea of the depths of their idiocy regarding crackers.  Wow.  Reading those P.S. Myers articles makes me want some saltines though.....

Comment by Stephen Morris on December 18, 2011 at 2:38am
'Who ordered the body of Christ?' Eddie Izzard comments on the origins of Christianity.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yCIvmdABBnU&feature=youtube_gdat...

1:35 is where he starts talking about commemorating the last supper.
Comment by Diane on December 18, 2011 at 8:20am

I have a confession.... I once went to midnight mass on Christmas.  Having been raised atheist and never having been to a Catholic service before, I had no clue what to do.  I'm not sure why my very Catholic boyfriend didn't clarify this for me, but I thought it would be rude of me to not go up and receive communion like everybody else seemed to be doing.

So up I went.  I was a bit afraid the priest would rat me out by noticing some small ritualistic screw-up on my part.  I carefully did what everybody else was doing so I would just sail through the line.  It wasn't until years later I realized I wasn't supposed to do it, having never been baptized or gone through whatever other else one has to do in order to be able to eat the crackers lawfully.

Also, I have actually been fall-down drunk on altar wine.  It was good.  Mind you, I didn't steal it from the church, but I still drank it even though I knew someone else had.  I was about 15, and when my parents asked me where I got the alcohol, I said it was "from God."  They didn't get the humor in that at all.  

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