Comment by Jim Turpen on November 17, 2011 at 1:17pm

I think you need to ask yourself where you want this relationship to eventually end up. If she's not going to let an atheist give her an orgasm she won't marry one either. For this relationship to work out one of you will have to change teams, and - no offense - but she seems, from your description, too bat shit crazy to be venturing away from her beliefs. You, by the way, should not switch teams just to pursue a sexual relationship. I'd cut your losses if I were you.

Comment by Daniel Green on November 17, 2011 at 1:59pm

Relationships are all about respect, and from what you said, it seems like she has none for you. I agree with Jim... Time to bail and find someone who actually respects you. If after knowing you for 7 months she still has such stupid beliefs about atheists, then she's straight-up just not a good person whatsoever. I wouldn't waste any more time on her.

Comment by Chris Rhodes on November 17, 2011 at 2:40pm

I appreciate the perspectives. We are both in college and not really expecting the relationship to go anywhere. But we do care for each other, and I suppose it is difficult for me to understand just how she can act as though she cares so much for me while actually hating a core component of my being. I certainly would not revert back to pretending to be a Christian for sex, and I will not pressure her to change her beliefs, that's just not my style. It's hard for me to think I am wasting time when we are having jun and giving each other something to do despite not having any intention of going super long term.

Comment by Chris Rhodes on November 17, 2011 at 3:10pm

She did not explicitly indicate one or the other. She simply said she "can't" I am assuming it is her choice as she sometimes will stop me in the middle of things and go be by herself for a minute, or will appear to be "getting there" and will just kind of stiffen up and shortly tell me to quit.

Comment by Robert Karp on November 17, 2011 at 5:11pm

Not to make light of this in any way but I would improve your technique and give her the biggest orgasm of her life and prove her wrong :-)  You have to keep in mind some people are so brainwashed that they have the mindset that you are evil. Kill her with kindness, love and wicked sex and give her no reason to think otherwise of you and then she will never have a valid argument against your non-belief.

Comment by Nina van der Roos on November 17, 2011 at 5:54pm

I am interested in what you define as “sex” because you are both obviously having sex together because you “fool around” so I am guessing for you sex = intercourse.

For us women a lot of our ability to enjoy sex and orgasm is in our minds. So strong is this link that some of us can think ourselves to an (small) orgasm when feeling a little aroused and can orgasm during erotic dreams when asleep. We have to have a certain level of comfort with our own mind, our own body as well as that of our partner to be able to have an orgasm so if something like religion has screwed around with how we feel about our own body, or our right to enjoy it and our feeling of sexual identity then it can certainly interfere with our sexual response. Sounds like the catholic church has done a mental number on your girlfriend and she is not allowing herself to enjoy what rightfully belongs to her. Her line about not being able to orgasm with an atheist I think is something of a crock, and its much more to do with her brainwashing.

As a home-birth midwife my women ask me the whole range of questions you can think of regarding women’s sexuality and sexual response though I have not encountered this one. Here in The Netherlands I think the last 25 years of very comprehensive sex education in schools has done much to remove much of this sort of silliness, though I do still come across some odd things among the few immigrant muslim women on our client list.

Its rather funny how the catholic church made so many women fear and loath their own vaginas yet tacitly condoned it’s own priests predilection for the anal passages of young boys. :)

Ciao,
Nina van der Roos

Comment by matt.clerke on November 17, 2011 at 5:57pm

Ah, the female orgasm....as elusive as the knowledge of how magnets work... Good advice from everyone else here tbh. In my experience, a woman has to be able to really relax and trust her partner to be able to orgasm. The thing stopping her in this case is her brainwashing from the church, biting her brain and stopping her from enjoying the experience. Then we she gets closer to orgasm in spite of the brainwashing, she physically puts a stop to the action.

 

My advice is to help her forget about the fact that you have different faiths. Go for a really romantic feeling: candles, massage oil, w/e works for you. Get her really relaxed and keep the focus on her. If it doesn't work the first time, try and try again.... it builds trust and shows you respect her enough to consider her pleasure. As Robert said, kill her with kindness, love, and wicked sex and eventually she will realise that you being an atheist is as much a non-issue as your shoe size or hair colour (That's right, in Australia it's spelled with a "u").

Comment by Craig Nomazlab on November 17, 2011 at 7:13pm

There is no way your relationship can possibly get any closer. She won't let it get any closer unless she converts you, which I hope will never happen, or unless you deconvert her, which judging by the extremity of her belief, won't happen. It would probably be best if the relationship were to come to an end, preferrably a peaceful one, after which you can remain friends.

Comment by James on November 17, 2011 at 8:30pm

It's so sad when an otherwise great relationship is ruined because of something as unimportant as religion. My brother-in-law actually broke off a long term, seemingly perfect relationship because it was coming commitment time and he's Catholic and she's Lutheran... Then all of a sudden he marries a girl he's known 3-4 months that goes to his church.

 

Relationships between individuals of different religions is a non-issue if both parties are honest, understanding, accepting and tolerant of one another. I'm and Atheist, my wife is Wiccan and religion is never an issue. What you do, will depend on what you want from this relationship. If sex is your goal, just focus on making her feel important, focus on romance, etc. Personally, sex for sex's sake is pointless, as the emotional aspect is what makes it for me. But if you really care for this girl and want this relationship to be come something more, you will have to sit down and have a talk. If she is unwilling to come to terms or to accept your Atheism, you should just call it quits now. Lets face it, if the only reason she makes you stop is because you are an Atheist, then she doesn't really love you for you. Why continue living an illusion that will certainly end in tears?

Comment by Chris Rhodes on November 17, 2011 at 10:10pm

I am glad I brought this topic here, this is a good discussion. I know there is a talk coming between us, and I am not sure what that talk is going to entail. Matt, your strategy is essentially what I have been using since we have been seeing each other, and pushing it more and more to the max. Craig you are describing the feeling I got last night rather well. Kir I do not believe she is conning me intentionally, as in she seems to generally care, and she is good about not forcing me to pay for everything when she knows I don't have the money, I do however believe that just having someone to call her own is part of the reason she is with me. Nina I like your perspective, and I do feel her block is subconscious more that a decision.

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