Confessions of an Atheist Homeschooler

Hello. My name is Atheist Mama, and I'm an atheist. I also homeschool my only child. When people hear the word "homeschool" the image that is frequently conjured is one of a mousy mother in a denim dress. Her 8 children, all perfectly scrubbed and tucked, sit around a big table and hold hands while prayer is said. People envision handwriting consisting of copying scripture and long lunches of tater-tot casserole.

Homeschooling is outside the norm. Having an only child is outside the norm, and having an only child who is homeschooled is even more rare still. But to be an atheist on top of that is a lonely prospect. Fortunately my area is homeschool friendly and it's pretty liberal, so I'm not the only homeschooler in my scope who is not homeschooling for religious reasons. I belong to and run a co-op that is secular, but a vast majority of the members are Christian. Only a few of my closest friends know that I'm an atheist. It's not something that I'm comfortable announcing to the homeschooling world because I don't want to lose friends, for myself or my child. I don't want to get into a debate with a Christian over my non-belief, and I don't want to be seen as trying to shatter someone else's faith.

My co-op offers classes now and then, and those classes have crafts. That means we need a classroom type space that offers sinks, tables, hard floors. Since we don't charge membership dues and are not a Not For Profit, we also need a space that will accommodate us for free. In the past we've used the community centers, but they've recently change policy so that only non(or not-for)-profits and schools can use the rooms for free. The rest of us have to pay $100 an hour.

After much searching, a location was secured in a church basement. I thought long and hard about whether or not I was comfortable participating in a class that is held in a church. The class is one that my son and I have been involved in for two years and it's something that he would miss terribly. However, I hated the thought of being in a church. The thought of crosses and crucifixes filled me with dread. And knowing that my kid would be exposed to that imagery bothered me too. The knowledge that I would be utilizing a space that stands for inequality, intolerance and hate made me feel sick. In the end I decided that it was only two hours a month, there would be no preaching, and it was just a room, so I agreed to attending the class. A fellow homeschooler, who is not atheist (to my knowledge), but is not Christian, declined attendance. The back-lash has been insane! People are calling her intolerant. They are saying that it's unfair that she refuse to be in a house of worship (wow, I nearly spelled that "warship") while they are expected to keep their Christianity quiet in public. Our forum has been invaded by anger and as an Admin, I've had to come in and try to keep the peace. But what I've wanted to do is scream at everyone to shut up. This mother made a decision based on her moral convictions, and that is something we all need to be tolerant of. I have had people tell me that if the class were in a Planned Parenthood they wouldn't attend. If it were held in a space that allows pagan practices or ceremonies, there'd be no way they'd let their child go. Yet a woman makes a decision not to take a class in a Christian church and she is intolerant and closed minded. It's insane and I hate that there is this division.

As an Atheist homeschooler, I hate that my support network cries "Intolerance!" and "Persecution!" whenever someone disagrees with them, yet are unwilling to be tolerant and accepting of someone else's strong beliefs. They become the persecutors and don't even see it. As a homeschooler, I have a fairly small community from which to glean support. Two of my very good friends are Christian and know I'm an atheist. They have been wonderful and accepting, and I started feeling more confident and had even considered coming out of the Atheist closet a little more until this witch-hunt erupted around me.

So here I am, back in the closet with the smelly winter boots. I don't really fit in anywhere, but I hold hope that someday I wont' be the only happy, hippy, liberal, atheist, homeschooling freak.

Tags: atheist, homeschool, intolerance

0 members like this

Comment by Serendipity Rose on September 17, 2010 at 12:58pm: I totally know where you are coming from. I also run a secular homeschool group but I am very picky about who we will let join our group. I'd rather have a smaller group that understands that everyone, and I mean every one, has a right to their religious belief or lack thereof. I make them tell me, before they join, that they will abide by the no-religion or political discussion. We've had some very, very lean years and my kids suffered from that greatly but recently we have had a fabulous surge of atheist, pagan and liberal christians joining our group. It is understood that our homeschool efforts are for secular reasons and we bring no religion into the matter.

We are fortunate to have the UU church to hold our co-op in but have had to deal with the community centers in the past and it-is-VERY-difficult. But I believe that keeping our group small and only accepting people that are homeschooling for secular reasons (vs religious reasons) has, in the end, made it much, much better.

Comment by Atheist Mama on September 17, 2010 at 3:52pm: Neil, it is an art class and a world history class. We are investigating other options, but are coming up empty handed so far.

Rose, I have been a part of this group for 5 years, and have been one of the leaders for nearly 4. In all that time this issue has never come up. I think this is just some random fluke and hopefully it will resolve itself rather quickly.

Comment by Chelle on September 17, 2010 at 5:34pm: I am a very fortunate home educator living in the UK in Edinburgh and we have a largely secular group of people that choose home education for practical or philosophical reasons. Religion has no involvement in our community at all. I am sorry to hear you have to deal with these issues but I offer my support as a home educator. We sometimes have to deal with the odd obscure view but most people are fairly reasonable.

Let me know if you need some online Home ed support as an atheist home educator who has chosen home education simply as a reasonable choice for my children's education. I'd be happy to offer you support. :-)

Comment by Serendipity Rose on September 17, 2010 at 11:48pm: Ahh, yes, that can happen in a group no matter what. We had one of those random flukes happen in our group this year, too. It just didn't have anything to do with religion. We actually dissolved the inclusive group that we had and split the secular group so that the teens had their own space. Apparently some people think that teens have the same needs and grade-school age kids.

Comment by Shine on September 19, 2010 at 1:07am: People envision handwriting consisting of copying scripture and long lunches of tater-tot casserole.

Haha, love the Duggar reference!

I hate that my support network cries "Intolerance!" and "Persecution!" whenever someone disagrees with them, yet are unwilling to be tolerant and accepting of someone else's strong beliefs. They become the persecutors and don't even see it.\

This is the part of religious blinders that I hate the most and it's especially hypocritical when promoted by the purportedly loving, accepting, benign philosophy which moderate Christians claim. It reminds me of Ghandi's quote:

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."

Comment by Keith Johnston on September 19, 2010 at 1:25am: " I hate that my support network cries "Intolerance!" and "Persecution!" whenever someone disagrees with them, yet are unwilling to be tolerant and accepting of someone else's strong beliefs. They become the persecutors and don't even see it. "

I suggest you address this very sternly but using your brain. I have no doubt it is a very small minority of people in the group that are mouthing off in this way. You need to get the tolerant majority onside. Start with your two friends and move on from there. Once you are confident you have a majority you can then propose a rule that prevents this kind of intolerance with a suspension or ban from the group. Showing such a bad attitude is a terrible example to the children and this should be everyones prime concern and this can be your platform.
Good luck

Comment by Karen Loethen on February 22, 2012 at 3:18am: NO! Don't go into that silent goodnight the closet!
I know it's difficult and slow going, but atheist homeschoolers are OUT THERE and we need good faces!
Be one!

http://taytayhser.blogspot.com/

Comment by Atheist Mama on March 16, 2012 at 9:25pm: Thank you, everyone! Karen, I love the blog you linked.

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