Christian-Lite Causes Much Suffering
I was at a memorial service yesterday for my wife's supervisor's son. It's a small company so everyone still actually cares about each other. The Son was 33 and died of a sudden heart attack (congenital and undetected). He left behind a 1 year old daughter and a wife.
Some of the family is deeply religious. Louisiana religious. The fundies seem to be OK with death. Memorials are a celebration of the life and they find hope in seeing the family again in heaven. The father, whom I genuinely like, read a passage from John 14:6 "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." Then he went into how you can choose what side of the room you want to be on. As if belief is a simple choice rather than having been convinced or not.
For me as an Atheist, I'm pretty OK with death. It's not that I'm not crushed when I lose a loved one. I cry and feel the same as the next person. But I'm like the fundie in this respect... i celebrate the life and move on. The difference between the fundie and I is that I know that I'll never see my loved one again. Such is life. Looking at it in a practical actual sense gives us the knowledge that this is how it goes. You pick up the pieces and march on through.
Christian-Lite on the other hand, they can end up in a world of hurt. The wife is not taking the death well. I don't think that it's just a random not handling it well, I think that we have half-assed believer in amongst the devout and she can't believe the cavalier attitude. She doesn't know if she really believes this afterlife stuff. (All my suspicions.) Death for a Lite leads to questions of "Why would God do this to us?"
Being a moderate must be this slow downward spiral in Christianity. You see the churches wronging people with theft, robbing children of innocence and speaking about the glory of God while you have a dead loved one on your hands. After seeing that yesterday i'm feeling so bad for her. She's moving in with her in-laws for various reasons and the father-in-law is clearly devout. How is someone feeling comfortable saying "I believe in Jesus" but not really meaning it going to find closure in a devout household? To me is seems completely unhealthy and I see a ticking time bomb. The death of her husband, the host families son, is fraught with emotion. It's a simple matter of time before this comes to a head.
Is it me, or are the Christian-Lite crowds generally one or two experiences away from being atheist? Would they be healthier finding a supportive non-believer or a convinced fundie? I'll have to find a way to have my wife and I take her out in the next couple of months as things settle to see if there is anything she needs to get off her chest. The death of a spouse or child seems like a terrible time to have to work on your religion as someone whom is truly undecided.
Some of the family is deeply religious. Louisiana religious. The fundies seem to be OK with death. Memorials are a celebration of the life and they find hope in seeing the family again in heaven. The father, whom I genuinely like, read a passage from John 14:6 "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." Then he went into how you can choose what side of the room you want to be on. As if belief is a simple choice rather than having been convinced or not.
For me as an Atheist, I'm pretty OK with death. It's not that I'm not crushed when I lose a loved one. I cry and feel the same as the next person. But I'm like the fundie in this respect... i celebrate the life and move on. The difference between the fundie and I is that I know that I'll never see my loved one again. Such is life. Looking at it in a practical actual sense gives us the knowledge that this is how it goes. You pick up the pieces and march on through.
Christian-Lite on the other hand, they can end up in a world of hurt. The wife is not taking the death well. I don't think that it's just a random not handling it well, I think that we have half-assed believer in amongst the devout and she can't believe the cavalier attitude. She doesn't know if she really believes this afterlife stuff. (All my suspicions.) Death for a Lite leads to questions of "Why would God do this to us?"
Being a moderate must be this slow downward spiral in Christianity. You see the churches wronging people with theft, robbing children of innocence and speaking about the glory of God while you have a dead loved one on your hands. After seeing that yesterday i'm feeling so bad for her. She's moving in with her in-laws for various reasons and the father-in-law is clearly devout. How is someone feeling comfortable saying "I believe in Jesus" but not really meaning it going to find closure in a devout household? To me is seems completely unhealthy and I see a ticking time bomb. The death of her husband, the host families son, is fraught with emotion. It's a simple matter of time before this comes to a head.
Is it me, or are the Christian-Lite crowds generally one or two experiences away from being atheist? Would they be healthier finding a supportive non-believer or a convinced fundie? I'll have to find a way to have my wife and I take her out in the next couple of months as things settle to see if there is anything she needs to get off her chest. The death of a spouse or child seems like a terrible time to have to work on your religion as someone whom is truly undecided.
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Comment by Morgan Matthew on September 13, 2009 at 9:55pm -
Great post Gaytor! Now Featured!
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Comment by Reggie on September 13, 2009 at 10:50pm -
Good luck. Our neighbor's husband recently left her and she is a devout Baptist. It was odd talking to her about things as an atheist because there was this fundamental component missing in such a discussion if we were both theists. She seemed receptive to what I said and my wife complimented me on my handling of the situation, which made me happy. Hopefully you can offer this woman an opportunity to talk with someone who is not overtly religious. Even if she is religious, she may appreciate a reality based ear to listen.
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Comment by Doug Reardon on September 13, 2009 at 11:13pm -
Everybody is different, some will embrace you, some will wish to kill you. If you want to help, be available, and follow her lead.
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Comment by Cara Coleen on September 14, 2009 at 2:11am -
In my fairly new atheism, there's nothing more comforting than the answer to the question, "why?" In my Christianity, "why" plagued me. I was constantly trying to connect the dots and find a pattern. If I didn't get a job, maybe it was because God had a better plan for me. If I totaled my car, maybe it was because I needed to learn humility. If I met someone cool, maybe it was because we shared a common destiny. "Coincidence" was out of the question... period. But, it was difficult to hang on to any one reason for very long because some contradictory event would then occur. Just when I thought God had revealed one thing, something else came along. It was all very stressful!
Now when something good or bad happens, I know there's no hidden agenda (unless we're talking about people's motives). If a car cuts me off and I miss an accident up the road, I can just count myself lucky. If I lose a loved one, I don't have to wrack my brain about why it happened. This is life... we all suffer and die; we all experience good luck sometimes, and misfortune at others. I don't have to feel like God has been unfair by allowing wicked to succeed over good. I don't have to wonder WHY God created us at all when he knew we'd all be such assholes.
It's such a relief, and it makes it so much easier to forgive people when they screw up. I don't have to hold ANYone to a higher standard; we're all just humans afterall, who've swam, slithered, crawled and climbed to where we are today. I can at least imagine we've progressed and that we're not all enslaved to a "sin nature".
I don't have anyone to be angry at anymore! I'm happier because there's no one to blame. Can you imagine that? I have to just shrug and say, "Well, that's life."
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Comment by Morgan Matthew on September 14, 2009 at 2:28am
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Double featured for Cara's post
I don't have anyone to be angry at anymore! I'm happier because there's no one to blame. Can you imagine that? I have to just shrug and say, "Well, that's life."
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Comment by Gaytor on September 14, 2009 at 9:38am -
Amen Cara
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Comment by Pitabred on September 14, 2009 at 3:53pm -
In response to CaraColeen: I've found that when people ask my the question "Why?" implying that God must have some reason for doing it, I tend to answer mu (hope the link works).
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Comment by Joann Brady on October 6, 2009 at 7:59am
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Well said. Go read my story in the "my story" section to see how a series of unfortunate events led me to just such a WTF epiphany.
It was always so confusing to try to interpret "God's Plan"............never did figure it out. Now I know there just isn't one. I have to make my own plan!
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Comment by Brandon Thomas Blake on March 3, 2010 at 3:03pm
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god is awesome and powns atheists bitche
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Comment by Gaytor on March 3, 2010 at 3:21pm
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Two things Brandon... referring to me or anyone here as biotche is beneath the level of dis course that we require at TA. I'm not sure what religion taught you to speak to people that way, but we Atheists require civil discourse and common courtesy. #2 you made no point that lends to the conversation. I suppose point three is that I'm a modertator here and I look forward to getting home to see what you've been up to. We would value an opinion from you at anytime. Here you didn't share one . You represent yourself and your god poorly.
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