Choosing my Religion...Again. And Again.
For the last 15 years, I have classified myself as "Christian". From birth to about ten years old, I was a Catholic, then I converted to being Baptist until I was fifteen. As a Catholic, I felt nothing but shame that I was too poor to go to Catholic school, and I hated being in the heathenish Public School. I read my Bible, praying for a better life.
I met a friend in the fourth grade, and she shared the gospel with me. At age nine. In Public School. I went to her church, read her Bible, and eventually converted when I was ten. As a Baptist, I felt nothing but shame that I was a sinner, that I wasn't good enough even though I didn't lie, or steal, and I left people alone. I felt nothing but fear for Hell, just as I did as a Catholic, but I also had a friend as a constant reminder.
At fourteen, I met another friend who told me about being an Atheist. At first, we fought, I continued going to church, I told my church friends about him. But eventually, without the knowledge of anyone else, I began to read books. I read The Origin of Species, I read the Bible (thoroughly), I read Letter to a Christian Nation, I read The Daily Bread devotionals. I read about all religions, what they believed in, and "lived" them for a week, reading, reading reading. asked questions, recorded the answers of all parties in my diverse high school, and eventually, I knew.
I never felt God, only shame. Only hatred for myself. But when I asked questions, only one party treated me with respect, and not outrage at questioning.
The Atheist.
Last year, at fifteen, I left the Church.
I feel I have chosen wisely.
I met a friend in the fourth grade, and she shared the gospel with me. At age nine. In Public School. I went to her church, read her Bible, and eventually converted when I was ten. As a Baptist, I felt nothing but shame that I was a sinner, that I wasn't good enough even though I didn't lie, or steal, and I left people alone. I felt nothing but fear for Hell, just as I did as a Catholic, but I also had a friend as a constant reminder.
At fourteen, I met another friend who told me about being an Atheist. At first, we fought, I continued going to church, I told my church friends about him. But eventually, without the knowledge of anyone else, I began to read books. I read The Origin of Species, I read the Bible (thoroughly), I read Letter to a Christian Nation, I read The Daily Bread devotionals. I read about all religions, what they believed in, and "lived" them for a week, reading, reading reading. asked questions, recorded the answers of all parties in my diverse high school, and eventually, I knew.
I never felt God, only shame. Only hatred for myself. But when I asked questions, only one party treated me with respect, and not outrage at questioning.
The Atheist.
Last year, at fifteen, I left the Church.
I feel I have chosen wisely.
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Comment by Don't label my essence! (Jared) on November 27, 2009 at 4:01am -
Good post.
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Comment by James on November 27, 2009 at 9:58am -
Congrats on casting the burden of religion from your life. Enjoy thinking and never stop asking questions.
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Comment by Dave G on November 27, 2009 at 11:16am -
Welcome to a thinking, questioning life, Samantha. And welcome to TA.
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Comment by Samantha J. on November 27, 2009 at 11:18am -
Thank you. All of you. Finally someone who won't tell me "This is just a phase".
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Comment by Dave G on November 27, 2009 at 12:07pm
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The 'just a phase' reaction is a common one, particularly from family members (especially parents) who often have a hard time understanding why their child has 'left the flock'. To be fair, some things are phases, and they're probably hoping that you'll 'grow out of it' or are in a 'rebellious phase'.
Really, all you can do is to maintain your position, try to calmly, rationally explain your reasoning if asked, and try not toroll your eyes when the 'just a phase' phrase gets pulled out over and over again. And it may be around for a while. I know of one atheist whose mother is sure that he's just going through a phase. A phase that has lasted the last 23 years.
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Comment by Samantha J. on November 27, 2009 at 12:13pm
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Has he gone through procedures of studying the Bible through dreams and osmosis? Many Bible Study meetings spent that way.
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Comment by Dave G on November 27, 2009 at 12:30pm
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Dreams and osmosis? Nope, that's a new one on me.
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Comment by Craig Nomazlab on November 27, 2009 at 12:56pm -
Good post indeed.
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Comment by Samantha J. on November 27, 2009 at 12:56pm
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Yeah. Bibles under our pillows at retreats. Glad I'm free from that.
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Comment by a7 on November 27, 2009 at 3:09pm -
That was a really nice post, made me smile.
hello there from Glasgow scotland, home of the haggis
dont talk , puff
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