Whenever I hear christians claim that I am going to burn in hell because I do not believe in their god, I want to laugh hysterically. Unfortunately, I don't think that fully communicates how ridiculous I find that statement. So I have decided to turn the tables and I hope you all do the same. When told you are going to spend eternity in some christian version of hell, respond with this:
"You will be the one to suffer for eternity. Because you have blasphemed against the great and powerful Flying Spaghetti Monster, you shall not be touched by His Noodly Goodness in the next life. Instead, you shall be boiled for an eternity in a lake of botulism-laced marinara. Your skin shall be flailed from your body with whips of uncooked pasta - not the soft kind, the hard, stabby dry stuff. And all of your orifices shall be stuffed to overflowing with the e.coli laden meatballs of despair. You shall cry out for just a glimpse of His Noodly Glory, but you shall be denied.
All hail the Noodly One. With him all things are pastabowl. Ramen."
Although most christians will see this as further blasphemy, and some may simply believe that I am crazy, I can only hope that a few will realize that their threats of a biblical hell sound just as ridiculous to a non-believer.