Whenever I hear christians claim that I am going to burn in hell because I do not believe in their god, I want to laugh hysterically. Unfortunately, I don't think that fully communicates how ridiculous I find that statement. So I have decided to turn the tables and I hope you all do the same. When told you are going to spend eternity in some christian version of hell, respond with this:

"You will be the one to suffer for eternity. Because you have blasphemed against the great and powerful Flying Spaghetti Monster, you shall not be touched by His Noodly Goodness in the next life. Instead, you shall be boiled for an eternity in a lake of botulism-laced marinara. Your skin shall be flailed from your body with whips of uncooked pasta - not the soft kind, the hard, stabby dry stuff. And all of your orifices shall be stuffed to overflowing with the e.coli laden meatballs of despair. You shall cry out for just a glimpse of His Noodly Glory, but you shall be denied.

All hail the Noodly One. With him all things are pastabowl. Ramen."

Although most christians will see this as further blasphemy, and some may simply believe that I am crazy, I can only hope that a few will realize that their threats of a biblical hell sound just as ridiculous to a non-believer.

Views: 71

Comment by Mario Rodgers on March 1, 2010 at 8:31pm
All hail the Noodly One. XD

In all seriousness, it's not just atheists. It's everybody of the wrong religion, INCLUDING other forms of Christianity. This is why I find religion repugnant, but the monotheistic religions are especially abhorrent. If there really was a god and his relationship with his creations is based on fear of torment and guilt over being born human, then the relationship is not one of love but of abuse.
Comment by Assassin Grrl on March 1, 2010 at 9:49pm
This is true, but no matter how often the loathsome, petty nature of their deity is pointed out, Christians deny it - always with the explanation that "no one can understand his plan" or "we must prove our faith through trials." Therefore, I feel justified in at least demonstrating how silly their arguments sound.
Comment by Kris on March 2, 2010 at 5:23am
I use the FSM sometimes as well. Some of my Christian friends have used the typical "look at the beauty of nature and you'll see God" argument. However, this does not prove God more than it proves Odin or the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
Comment by Apple on March 2, 2010 at 1:45pm
The beauty of nature show's Allah's perfect glory. Are they not worried that they will be burning in hell for the great blashphemy of believing that god was born as human? The must repent, and stop missing daily prayers!!
Comment by Dave G on March 2, 2010 at 3:03pm
I usually ask if they are planning on dying gloriously in battle to earn their spot in Valhalla.


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