No, seriously! I was dead, just for a few minutes, but dead nonetheless. Long story short, on Sept. 25th an allergic reaction to a supposedly innocuous pill, caused my throat to close, shutting off my breathing and within minutes I was dead, literally.

But this rant is not about my ordeal from that night, which I can’t deny, was scary and surreal, and ultimately ended up with me waking up in the hospital, incredibly tired, with a sore throat and an extremely bruised chest, after 7 minutes of CPR.

This is about how this event has triggered on my friends and family a relentless determination to pervert me… I’m sorry, that should have read, convert me.

As if I hadn’t had enough with what I went through, now I have to endure the endless preaching of my family and close friends. Their arguments would be amusing if they weren’t so recurrent and therefore annoying…

“It is God’s way to let you know that He loves you” Yeah, he was showing some luv, sure. I mean, seriously?

“You must have had a near death experience…? You probably don’t remember but you must have!” Nope! No NDE for me. But we all know that NDEs are natural chemical reactions to Ketamine, and if you didn’t know that, you have some serious reading to do.

“Jesus wants you to accept him into your life.” Accept him? The king of kings? That’s quite conceited, isn’t it? Given that they worship Jesus, shouldn’t they be ‘begging’ him to come into their lives, or rather their delusional minds?

“This has been a warning; god wants you to appreciate the life that he has given you…” Of course, now THAT makes sense, right? Newsflash! I didn’t appreciate life before any less than I do now; and, the life that he has given me? Come on!

“God is giving you a second chance…” Yeah, a second chance to die! Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t make such a big deal out of this event, but it wasn’t pretty. Those few seconds right before passing out – which are the last that I can remember, were horrible. Try to picture this, being unable to breathe, actually suffocating, watching the terrified faces of the ones around you and being fully aware of it. One shouldn’t have to go through this kind of experience more than once, really!

And my poor mother, who is the only one who doesn’t annoy me so much, and was probably the most affected of us all, keeps praying for me to believe in god as she has done since I was 5 years old. Oh yeah, that’s when I told the priests and nuns in my catholic school that their stories did not make sense to me, that I couldn’t understand, that I needed rational explanations; their responses were something like, those are the holy mysteries and that’s what ‘faith’ is all about – believing in what you cannot see or understand, which made me want to say “you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!”

If you know me a little, or if you’re following me on Twitter, you’re probably wondering, is this the same Monica that baits theists and tries to make them think rationally? I know, right? Well, when it comes to theists on Twitter I’m fierce and heartless, but when dealing with the people that I’ve known forever, my loved ones, I can’t be blunt and tell them to stop (which has crossed my mind in terms of “why don’t you all leave me the hell alone!”)

I *AM* an atheist in a foxhole, or rather was in that moment. I was dead only for a few minutes, but endured the process of dying for much longer than that, and not even once the idea of god crossed my mind.

When I was done and couldn’t stay awake any longer, while giving in, my last thought was for my mom, for whom my death would have been such a terrible loss.

Putting aside the agitation and the pain, this is pretty cool, right? I mean, how many people do you know that have died and come back to tell their story?

Read the comments:

Views: 22

Comment by a7 on December 22, 2009 at 6:11pm
yeah man cool, glad your ok. Say hi to you mum from glasgow scotland.

taker care
Comment by David Kenneth Craggs on December 22, 2009 at 6:57pm
That must have been really annoying, i mean really annoying. I've never died before but i have been extradordinarily lucky in circumstances because i made the right decisions. And sometmes i've been really unlucky because i've made bad decisions. But what really grinds my gears is when everyone says it must have been fate. NO, it was ME!!! I did it you idiots!!!

Come to think of it, that's probably how the doctor who gave you CPR feels too!

But yeah anyway, Its good to hear that you're alive. I don't think i've ever spoken to anyone who has risen from the dead before.
Comment by Kristi on December 22, 2009 at 9:03pm
Wow, that was a great story. I think it's a great testament to the realities of death. I thought it was really cool that your last thoughts weren't about some sort of god or afterlife, but rather for your mom.

It is sad that you have the unfortunate disadvantage of being one of the few who will die more than once...let's hope that the next time isn't so terrifying for everyone, including yourself.
Comment by Kristy on December 22, 2009 at 9:13pm
Ugh! I have no words...
Comment by Dave G on December 22, 2009 at 10:28pm
Try to picture this, being unable to breathe, actually suffocating, watching the terrified faces of the ones around you and being fully aware of it.

I actually can picture this, as I have had this experience. Not, thankfully, to the extent that you did, as I did not die. But it was still unnerving.

About 9 months ago, a pill I was taking became lodged in my windpipe. Snugly lodged, so that I could neither breathe in nor exhale. It took me a good minute to communicate to my friend in the next room, via pantomime, what had happened. It took another minute for my other friend (the one who knew the Heimlich maneuver) to race up two flights of stairs and bruise my ribs in expelling the pill.

Just two minutes, but two scary minutes.
Comment by Reggie on December 22, 2009 at 10:51pm
You rose from the dead? I guess this Jesus guy isn't so special after all, eh?
Comment by Galen on December 22, 2009 at 11:40pm
If I'd died and come back, I think I'd have even MORE ammo to debate against xtians.

"You wanna tell ME what happens after death? I was THERE and there ain't SHIT!"

The info you mentioned on NDEs, I should point out, is just one of several theories. Nobody knows for certain what causes this phenomenon. From the sound of them, they seem to be the cool part of almost dying and it's a shame you didn't have one! Glad you're ok though.
Comment by Chris H on December 23, 2009 at 1:54pm
Thanks a lot for sharing that, I think it means a lot to many who needs to hear stories like yours. Only sad that most theists refuse to see reality for what it is. Even from real first hand experience and not a story handed down via a deceitful book over hundreds of years about a guy whom supposedly did this by own free will....

Comment by Stacy B on January 19, 2010 at 4:38pm
I wonder if any of them have thought about whether God is trying to send them a message. No, it's all about you, right? What could they possibly have to learn?

And sad that they can't just say "Damn, I'm glad you're still around."

However, I do think that you should probably check out Chac Mool as I think he was trying to send you a message. You really don't want to mess with Chac Mool. *wink, wink, nudge, nudge*


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