So, I wrote a blog... ya know, The Fallacy of Faith. I posted it to my myspace. Most of my buddies on that site are family and friends... and they're probably 90% Christian. I thought it was a daring move. I mean, I forget who my friends are. It completely went over my head that my little brother's fiance is on there. Ugh.
They're both "on fire" for God right now; all caught up in this Reformist Church or some-such-shit. Ever heard of Calvinsim? It's a branch of that. Of ALL things... of ALL denominations... why, GOD!!! why Calvinsim??? They believe in predestination, which just casts a shadow of arrogance over them all because they are convinced that THEY, of course, are chosen.
So, she read my blog. And she commented. I shouldn't expect her to just roll over when she reads my argumentatively sound piece, but... I guess I did expect a little flicker to sort of, like... flicker... in her head... anyone's head. Like, "Hmmm... this makes sense... " But of course, that old indoctrination successfully terminates any doubts from forming. And she posts some link to some site that is all like, "Why these contradictions are not ACTUALLY contradictions". Isn't that called rationalization? A contradiction is a contradiction no matter how you f-ing twist it.
I just really wish my intelligent little sis-in-law would be as damn inquisitive as I am. I mean, it all came in time. I didn't even WANT to think about this Christianity stuff as not being real. But now, I just want to plant those seeds of doubt! I just want to plant that nagging question that always sprouts up; no matter what sort of "weed killer" is used against it, it survives. I just want those lame, brush-aside answers to not be good enough.
Well, I don't want to be an outcast. This is hard. This is really hard. I was the good little Christian daughter; they put all their holy hope in me. And now? Well, I'm the black sheep. That's never been me. I mean, I can't lie to myself or them, but... this is tough. I'm a disappointment. All my sincerity is lost on them; all of what makes me who I am is nothing. This rift of religion is already putting a wedge between me and them... and I can't go back. It's done. As Jesus said, dying on the cross, "It is finished." He's dead and so is my faith in him.