According to legend, God came down to the mountain and etched 10 rules of living into the rock for the people of Israel. As we know, up until then the Israeli people were murdering each other, steali…

According to legend, God came down to the mountain and etched 10 rules of living into the rock for the people of Israel. As we know, up until then the Israeli people were murdering each other, stealing stuff, working all the time, and coveting all over the place. The Israelites knew God was serious after he killed all those people for building and worshipping that giant ass while he was busy with cavorting with Moses, who accidentally broke the stone tablets in the process (don’t worry, god faxed him another copy later).

“But the seventh day is a Sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work—you, your son or your daughter, your male or female slave, your livestock, or the alien resident in your towns. For in six days the Lord made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but rested the seventh day; therefore the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and consecrated it.” - Exodus 20:10-11

Now not working 1 day in 7 can really put a dent in your productivity. The markets close, the lawns remain uncut, the goats udder’s bloat, and you can’t even turn on a light switch to read a book. The Sabbath sucks, but what are you going to do - it’s God’s law.

Luckily, the Jews somehow know the bylaws of God’s commandments and have devised ways to exploit various loop holes. For example, while God considers it work to carry car keys, tissues, or push a babies pram outside your home, so what do you do if you want to nip down to the corner shop for a Chiko Roll?

Those ingenious Jews figured they could all own the village for the Sabbath, therefore go wherever they wanted - at least within the village walls. This way, since they aren’t crossing legal boundaries they would not be breaking God’s cosmic real estate laws, or divine commandments. On Sunday (yeah, different Sabbath people) everything can return to legal normality with each participant owning their own property again. It’s brilliant I tell you!

Moreover, the walls delimiting the village do not need to be actual walls - God accepts symbolic walls, doors, and windows as well. So the Israeli people to not have to go to the bother of actually building real walls with opening doors and sliding windows - they can just string up a few wires around the common property with symbolic doors, then sit back, enjoy a brew, and admire their work. And so the Eruv was born.

Why am I telling you all of this wondrous information? Well, the Orthodox Jewish community in St Ives want to suspend overhead wires on 27 poles to form an Eruv in Northern Sydney - complete with make believe doors and pretend windows no doubt.

Apparently the community members are coveting the freedoms the rest of us enjoy and wish to exist their homes whenever they damn like. Now I would not stand in anyone’s bizarrely superstitious way, but the residents are concerned about the landscaping, environmental, and visual impacts these wires will have. Fair enough.

Personally I am more worried about the mental stability of individuals who think the creator of the universe is so easily fooled by simple legal manoeuvres and almost non-existent symbolic walls. Such shoddy workmanship on his 10 most precious commandments leaves me seriously wondering about the intricate and complicated mathematics used to run the universe.

Members of the Jewish community were approached for comment, but were unavailable. It’s the Sabbath.

Views: 19

Comment by Erin Ivy on August 5, 2010 at 12:19pm
Its weird that things that are blatantly so comical can make me so upset....
I honestly dont know whats going through their minds when they decided that, they dont really want to do what that bit of the bible is saying, so they are going to change it and make brand new assumptions as to what god 'knows' and 'accepts'
You'd have thought if god was all knowing, he'd know people weren't going to be able to agree with his silly rules in the future, and make better ones.. with more information.... and obviously he'd be able to foresee all the questions people might have and answer some of those aswell :/
religion fail.


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