I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately and it’s depressing. If you’re an atheist, you are resolved to the fact that as your internal organs struggle for oxygen, your last thoughts will be random firing of your brains synapses, and then you will spend the next 20 years decomposing in the ground.
 If you are a Christian, you either go to heaven or hell. If you go to heaven you get to spend eternity singing the praises of a deity forever. So basically, you are telling someone how awesome they are who is really 0 for 3 on creating paradises. But don’t worry, if it that paradise goes to hell (pun intended), it’s not his fault because he’s infallible; it’s actually your fault, or the angels’, or a snake’s.
 If you are Muslim, you get 70 virgins. Let’s get something straight, virgins are stage 5 clingers, and who wants that? Not this guy. Besides, I’m not good with relationships involving one girl, let alone 70. Plus, are these Black Panther Muslims? Because, I’m a white guy and that might cause problems. Or are they Taliban Muslims? Because there's nothing hot about a burqa and that might cause problems.
 If you are a Hindu, you get reincarnated thousands of times. That kind of sucks, who wants to go through puberty thousands of times? I certainly don’t. Then, once you become enlightened, you become a cow. McDonald’s are one of the largest purchasers of beef in the world. So odds are, once you’ve attained enlightenment you’re going to become a Big Mac. And while the Big Mac is delicious, I don’t want to spend the peak of my spiritual life dripping sauce on some poor bastard.
 Not really good times no matter how you look at it I guess.

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Comment by Jack Matthews on February 2, 2012 at 12:58pm

I don't know what happens when we die. But the evidence suggests the lights go out so that's what I'm betting on.


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