Dear Fred,

 

Look Fred, I know we've had a lot of history together, and we've known each other since, like forever, but I think it's time we broke it off. Lately you've been going sort of crazy with this whole "Westboro Baptist Church" and "God Hates America" nonsense. I think you're giving people the wrong idea about who I am, and who we are. It's not that I don't still love you, it's just that we're two totally different people, and I don't think we can see eye to eye anymore. Please try not to blow this out of proportion and make a huge fuss, but I just don't want to be seen with you anymore. You embarrass me. Please, don't claim to be with me anymore.

 

Sincerely,

 

God

 

P.S: By the way, I want you and your stuff out of my house by Sunday. Those God Hates Fags posters are really hurting the resale value.

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