So it is Christmas day and I have just arrived at my Grandparents home to celebrate as is the tradition and has been since I remember. One thing has changed since those days of old and that is my deconversion from fundamentalist christian into atheism. This is something that only my brother and his wife are aware of and even then we avoid the subject.
But I digress..
I had just arrived at my grandparents home and open the door to walk into the middle of a heated debate at the kitchen table. The topic: Do infants and children go to heaven or hell when they die if they haven't had the opportunity to accept Jesus into their hearts as their lord and savior? I must admit that I was instantly filled with a vast array of emotions upon the realization of what was going on.
The first emotion to fill me was amusement. I found it funny that there could be two vastly different options, both capable of being backed with scripture and both being passionately supported by intelligent people. I was also amused at the other views tied in with this one, which often share just as much controversy.(Like baptism, forgiveness, the holy spirit, etc)
Next I felt a sickness so terrible it made me actually become nauseous. This mixture of sadness and anger was the realization of what was actually being said. In either case the underlying message was this: children and even infants are inherently evil and filthy creatures deserving of pain and torment beyond comprehension for all of eternity simply because they were born. I can not fathom anything more pure and innocent than a newly born infant and if I am a christian I am to believe this little joy is evil and filthy and deserving of punishment without end all because some guy their great - great - great -great grandfather never even met ate a piece of fruit? The fact that this was accepted without question on both sides of the argument and the real issue was is there an age of accountability or not is what sickened me most of all.
Aside from some other choice emotions, the last one I felt was a combination of sorrow guilt, and frustration. I was sad that my family is all so diluted that they would accept so many evils as good, I was feeling guilt over the fact that for over 20 years of my life I was just as they are and thought and said many of the same things they do now, and I was frustrated because I couldn't point out these things or question anything being said.
I really wish I could be totally out about my atheism in every situation, but sometimes its best for me to keep it to myself if only to keep some stability and companionship in this world.
I just thought I would share some of my thoughts and feelings over the situation and see if anyone had any feedback about the whole situation ? Thanks everyone.