A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
I was a Christian. Not just a Christian, but a Fundamentalist. Not just a Fundamentalist, but a Creationist. The whole 9-yards. I would stand on street corners proselytizing my faith, handing out literature, proclaiming that the earth was 6,000 years old, blah de blah. I purchased religious tracts from Ray Comfort, could tell you all about the book of Revelation, and have personally met Creationist Kent Hovind... twice...
That's all in the past, though. The tale of my deconversion is long, tedious, and involves goats (not in that way. shame on you!), and isn't really what this blog post is about. Today, I am an atheist, and damned proud of it. I live on my own, just me and my cat, and I call no invisible deity "master."
I was digging through my closet a while ago, when I came across an ominous box... (dramatic music)
My first inclination was the wrap the whole package up in duct-tape, and then toss it in the dumpster. I would be only too happy to picture them, rotting in some land fill: relics of a past I would rather not remember, and safely decomposing in a place where they could do no more harm. But then my half-insane brain started thinking... you know? I have nothing to fear from these silly pamphlets. Reading them won't suddenly make me drop to my knees and cry for forgiveness. We cynics, we critics, we wielders of that scathing blade so lovingly called "sarcasm," we do not destroy the things that we hate. Oh no... we ridicule them!
I present The Peanut Gallery: a blog post where I'll scan and upload the crappiest of the crap for all the Atheist community to see and mock. These booklets and pocket propaganda shall take the center stage, where we shall rightly bombard them with rotten tomatoes!
With any luck, this will be a fun journey; perhaps even cathartic.
The I.Q. Test (Yellow Card)
An I.Q. test? For me? Joy! Everyone loves tests. Right? Well, everyone loves tests that don't really impact anything. People will happily take a bit of time out of their day for a quick test, if they think the results will be fun or interesting.
Some guy walks off the street, and offers to test my I.Q. with one simple question, then stand back, 'cause imma blow his mind away with my mad genius skillz!*
Hmmm... what is greater then God... oh! oh! The Empire Strikes Back! Its like the greatest freakin' movie! Worse then the devil?... ok, it cant be that...hmmm... the dead eat it... brains? Do living people die if they eat brains? Maybe if they're under-cooked... it could be tuna...(sniff sniff) ... do I smell tuna? No, that's not tuna, it smells like logical fallacies... I wonder how they can determine my I.Q. from one question... well, lets flip this thing over and...
I... but... wait! that's begging the question! Yes, I've lied before, but shouldn't measuring morality be more complicated then a series of yes/no questions?... Yes, I've stolen before, but shouldn't the punishment for my theft be proportional to the thing I stole? Have I ever lusted? (clears browsing history) ... no. Next question. Who wrote this? The Spanish Inquisition? I certainly wasn't expecting it. Blah. Blah. Blah. So the answer was "nothing"... i guess that kinda makes sense, in a philosophical kinda wayyyyy. HEEEEEEEY!
They never told me what my I.Q. was!
The religious pamphlets in this weblog are the intellectual property of Living Waters Publications, and Chick Publications.
Please excuse the odd dates on the photographs. I took these pics today, but forgot to adjust the date on my camera.
*The creator of this weblog has been informed that if he ever tries to type Ebonics again, he will be punched repeatedly in the head.