The Holiday where Christians will adorn their white robes to deliver salvation to the evil devil children Halloween by giving them Bibles instead of Candy.
It started yesterday when my Sister, who knows and hates that I’m atheist, asked me what I was doing for Halloween. Instantly I knew something was off because my Sister is just too Jesus-y to celebrate such an evil Holiday.Oh, she dresses her boyfriend’s kids up (as angels, knights, & princesses) all right but then she ruins it by taking them to the church so they can pray to Jesus. Oh joy!
When I was a kid she did that to me but bitched the entire time because I dressed up as a zombie devil princess and I ate candy during prayer. What can I say I was eight!.
Anyways I told her I wasn’t going to have time to do anything this year because the guys were working that night. So I would be home alone watching every horror movie in my arsenal of awesome in the dark. She scoffed at the mention of my horror movies and asked me if instead I would like to join her for ……. Jesus-Ween…..
Jesus-Ween; where Jesus gets your candy and you get a book. After she went on about it for several minutes I set my phone down and looked it up myself… To my horror she wasn’t lying. After a quick glance over of their web site I just had to ask her.
“Carol, let me ask you a question”
“How many kids typically come to your door where you live?”
“I don’t know, maybe 60 -70 kids, why?”
“You do realize you’re going to have to fork out $140 bucks to have enough Bibles to cover just the kids that show up at your door”
*SIGH* “You mean to tell me your going to fork out $140 dollars plus shipping to some Religious group that doesn’t have to pay taxes, just so you can hand out Bibles to little kids?”
“YEAH, what’s wrong with that?”
“A lot! If I was a kid and you handed me a Bible instead of candy I would hit you with it then TP your entire house and yard”.
“OMG, what is wrong with you Halloween is filled with sin and you have the chance to do something good for it”.
“Oh you’re funny; I am doing a lot of good by not subjecting children to that horrible book or making some jerk off rich but good luck with that”.
Personally I now feel like getting all my friends to dress up as Jesus, their kids included, and we all go hit up these Jesus-ween houses.