Note, Hadiths are the sayings of Muhammad piss be upon him,

 

and now lest start the top 10...

 

10. Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar:

I heard Allah’s Apostle saying, “People are just like camels, out of one hundred, one can hardly find a single camel suitable to ride.”

 

9. Narrated Abu Huraira:

If you want to put on your shoes, put on the right shoe first; and if you want to take them off, take the left one first. Let the right shoe be the first to be put on and the last to be taken off.”

 

8. Narrated ‘Abdul ‘Aziz:

It was said to Anas “What did you hear the Prophet saying about garlic?” Anas replied, “Whoever has eaten (garlic) should not approach our mosque.”

 

7. Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas:

The Prophet said, “If anyone of you on having sexual relations with his wife said (and he must say it before starting) ‘In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and also protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. the coming offspring) from Satan, and if it is destined that they should have a child then, Satan will never be able to harm that offspring.”


6. Narrated Anas bin Malik: 


 The Prophet said, “Allah puts an angel in charge of the uterus and the angel says, ‘O Lord, (it is) semen! O Lord, (it is now ) a clot! O Lord, (it is now) a piece of flesh.’ And then, if Allah wishes to complete its creation, the angel asks, ‘O Lord, (will it be) a male or a female? A wretched (an evil doer) or a blessed (doer of good)? How much will his provisions be? What will his age be?’ So all that is written while the creature is still in the mother’s womb.”

 

5. Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, “Isn’t he who raises his head before the Imam afraid that Allah may transform his head into that of a donkey or his figure (face) into that of a donkey?”

 

4. Narrated Ibn Umar:

 Allah’s Apostle said, “When the (upper) edge of the sun appears (in the morning), don’t perform a prayer till the sun appears in full, and when the lower edge of the sun sets, don’t perform a prayer till it sets completely. And you should not seek to pray at sunrise or sunset for the sun rises between two sides of the head of the devil (or Satan).”

3. Narrated Anas:


The Prophet said, “Whoever has seen me in a dream, then no doubt, he has seen me, for Satan cannot imitate my shape"


2. Narrated ‘Abdullah :

A person was mentioned before the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) and he was told that he had kept on sleeping till morning and had not got up for the prayer. The Prophet said, “Satan urinated in his ears.”

 

1. Narrated Abu Huraira:

 The Prophet said, “If anyone of you rouses from sleep and performs the ablution, he should wash his nose by putting water in it and then blowing it out thrice, because Satan has stayed in the upper part of his nose all the night.”

Views: 2065

Tags: 10, Funny, Hadith, Islamic, Top

Comment by Strega on October 9, 2012 at 11:04am

I want to go to Arch's house for dinner

Comment by James Cox on October 9, 2012 at 11:33am

As to the 70 virgins, or was it 72?

A muslim friend told once, with what appeared to be a strait face, that as a young man, he was looking forward to his experience. I asked, 'so will all these virgins actually like you?' His come back, 'God makes them like me!'

Amazing! After three marriages, and maybe 12 experimental relationships, I figure he had, if he was lucky, one poor dead/live gal that would be impressed. LOL 

Comment by Strega on October 9, 2012 at 11:36am

Why 72?  I mean that's not going to last eternity.  why not a perpetual supply?  if it's imaginary, why restrict the allocation?

Comment by James Cox on October 9, 2012 at 11:39am

"Crap, I put on my left shoe first, and I have no idea which in order I usually take them off. "

I think you are safe to walk bare foot. It there any provision for planters warts? LOL 

Comment by James Cox on October 9, 2012 at 11:47am

It is unclear if the 'experience' is at a brothel or a back lot of heaven. Maybe 'God' could not immagine anything above 70, so he does actually recycle, what a concept.

Comment by Hope on October 9, 2012 at 12:01pm

@James Cox It's 72 and here is the Hadith

 "Everyone that God admits into paradise will be married to 72 wives; two of them are houris and seventy of his inheritance of the [female] dwellers of hell. All of them will have libidinous sex organs and he will have an ever-erect penis. "

 

 

Comment by M on October 9, 2012 at 12:26pm

@ hope speaking of disgust .. how about the one encouraging people to drink camel's urine as a medicine :D:D

Narrated Anas:Some people from the tribe of 'Ukl came to the Prophet and embraced Islam. The climate of Medina did not suit them and got sick, so the Prophet ordered them to go to the (herd of milch) camels of charity and to drink, their milk and urine (as a medicine).

Comment by James Cox on October 9, 2012 at 1:45pm

 "All of them will have libidinous sex organs and he will have an ever-erect penis. "

Well that is a relief! After a short piece of eternity latter, he might might beg to join a quiet monastery, where all he had to do was count sand grains.....

Comment by archaeopteryx on October 9, 2012 at 2:16pm

@Strega (I can't believe you're actually a witch) - RE: "Why 72?  I mean that's not going to last eternity." - Islam teaches that their hymens grow back overnight, so technically, it IS a perpetual supply.

RE: "I want to go to Arch's house for dinner" - how do you like your baby?

Comment by archaeopteryx on October 9, 2012 at 2:24pm

@Strega - RE: "Why 72?" - 72 appears to be a magical number, revered by Muslims and Jews alike. According to legend, the Jewish Torah was translated from the original Hebrew into the Greek Septuagint by 72 bilingual biblical scholars (chosen after hundreds of interviews of hundreds of such scholars), sequestered in a seaside compound, and it was accomplished - wait for it -- in 72 days.

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