Note, Hadiths are the sayings of Muhammad piss be upon him,

 

and now lest start the top 10...

 

10. Narrated ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar:

I heard Allah’s Apostle saying, “People are just like camels, out of one hundred, one can hardly find a single camel suitable to ride.”

 

9. Narrated Abu Huraira:

If you want to put on your shoes, put on the right shoe first; and if you want to take them off, take the left one first. Let the right shoe be the first to be put on and the last to be taken off.”

 

8. Narrated ‘Abdul ‘Aziz:

It was said to Anas “What did you hear the Prophet saying about garlic?” Anas replied, “Whoever has eaten (garlic) should not approach our mosque.”

 

7. Narrated Ibn ‘Abbas:

The Prophet said, “If anyone of you on having sexual relations with his wife said (and he must say it before starting) ‘In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and also protect what you bestow upon us (i.e. the coming offspring) from Satan, and if it is destined that they should have a child then, Satan will never be able to harm that offspring.”


6. Narrated Anas bin Malik: 


 The Prophet said, “Allah puts an angel in charge of the uterus and the angel says, ‘O Lord, (it is) semen! O Lord, (it is now ) a clot! O Lord, (it is now) a piece of flesh.’ And then, if Allah wishes to complete its creation, the angel asks, ‘O Lord, (will it be) a male or a female? A wretched (an evil doer) or a blessed (doer of good)? How much will his provisions be? What will his age be?’ So all that is written while the creature is still in the mother’s womb.”

 

5. Narrated Abu Huraira:

The Prophet said, “Isn’t he who raises his head before the Imam afraid that Allah may transform his head into that of a donkey or his figure (face) into that of a donkey?”

 

4. Narrated Ibn Umar:

 Allah’s Apostle said, “When the (upper) edge of the sun appears (in the morning), don’t perform a prayer till the sun appears in full, and when the lower edge of the sun sets, don’t perform a prayer till it sets completely. And you should not seek to pray at sunrise or sunset for the sun rises between two sides of the head of the devil (or Satan).”

3. Narrated Anas:


The Prophet said, “Whoever has seen me in a dream, then no doubt, he has seen me, for Satan cannot imitate my shape"


2. Narrated ‘Abdullah :

A person was mentioned before the Prophet (p.b.u.h.) and he was told that he had kept on sleeping till morning and had not got up for the prayer. The Prophet said, “Satan urinated in his ears.”

 

1. Narrated Abu Huraira:

 The Prophet said, “If anyone of you rouses from sleep and performs the ablution, he should wash his nose by putting water in it and then blowing it out thrice, because Satan has stayed in the upper part of his nose all the night.”

Views: 2401

Tags: 10, Funny, Hadith, Islamic, Top

Comment by Nabeela on October 8, 2012 at 6:01pm

This is funny!

Comment by Hank Hell on October 8, 2012 at 7:20pm

I am puzzled as to why more people don't up and transform into donkeys.

Comment by kOrsan on October 8, 2012 at 11:26pm

You forgot the one about muhammad wiping his ass with rocks and praying to allah while doing so. Also the one that says when we sleep the devil attaches hooks to our necks so that's why we have to wash them after we wake up.

But still awesome list, made me lol early in the morning.

Comment by James Cox on October 9, 2012 at 2:50am

I think I got stuck on the 72 virgins point..or was it 70?    ..LOL

Comment by onyango makagutu on October 9, 2012 at 7:50am

This list is interesting. I think it should keep growing.

Comment by M on October 9, 2012 at 9:51am

 this one cracks me up every time i read it  ... i think it should find its place in the top 10

Narrated by Aisha :

its states that (Salem) the slave of (Abou Hozaifa) was staying with them in their house and (Sohaila) the wife said to the prophet that (Abou Hozaifa) fears that there is something between her and his slave so the prophet said to her "breast-feed him (the slave) and he will be prohibited to u and (Abou Hozaifa) will rest his soul"

Comment by Hope on October 9, 2012 at 10:44am

@Marvel

I honestly didn't know about that Hadith until that cleric came up with his disgusting fatwa which was based on that Hadith you mentioned! All muslims and non muslims were disgusted and I was speechless!

Comment by Strega on October 9, 2012 at 11:04am

I want to go to Arch's house for dinner

Comment by James Cox on October 9, 2012 at 11:33am

As to the 70 virgins, or was it 72?

A muslim friend told once, with what appeared to be a strait face, that as a young man, he was looking forward to his experience. I asked, 'so will all these virgins actually like you?' His come back, 'God makes them like me!'

Amazing! After three marriages, and maybe 12 experimental relationships, I figure he had, if he was lucky, one poor dead/live gal that would be impressed. LOL 

Comment by Strega on October 9, 2012 at 11:36am

Why 72?  I mean that's not going to last eternity.  why not a perpetual supply?  if it's imaginary, why restrict the allocation?

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