I'm still new to TA, but really really appreciate the warm welcome I've had.


But I have a little trouble.

My fiancé is extremely Christian, pentacostal at that. And while we can have civilised conversations about most other aspects of religion and how it will effect our future, but there's just one thing that we cannot settle on; children. It's a long way off yet, but he is adamant that they WILL go to church from a young age until they are old enough to make their own decision...although, of course, by that time they'll be...I don't want to say indoctrinated, but that's what it'll be,won't it? I would much rather my future children wait until they are 5 or 6 and then decide what they want to do.


Have any of you had this problem? I don't really know any atheists, or even agnostics that have married someone religious.


Then there's the whole problem of him "marrying someone of a different faith" which of course the Bible doesn't allow. And his pastor father who seems to think I'll "come around" before we get married. But that's a completely different story.


I look forward to any help you can give.



Views: 64

Comment by Gaytor on July 5, 2011 at 4:45pm

Two thoughts, I'm married to a EU Passport holder. keep your passport forever. You can't vote or own a gun here. So what's the argument for becoming an American? 

If you are coming at this relationship without having been together in person, you are in for some pitfalls to navigate. The short is that I married my wife after having spent 9 days together over a 9 month span or so. That was 9 years ago. So the hurdles aren't all that predictable as specifics. But they will happen. And if they have started with how to raise the kids, it's all uphill from there. For some it's the dumb way that the other does little stuff that makes you re-think whom they are as a person. I don't recall what issues my wife and I had, but i do recall that the commitment to marriage is all that held us together a few times. My fear is that if you are diving into this out of hope and convenience, then you are either going to have to take the commitment serious, or plan for it's demise with a pre-nup and mentally preparing yourself for it just being "cool" to hang out. Like dating with a license. I'm just saying that my experience is that you can't "half-ass  (or arse) it."

You have a huge hurdle to cover in religion. If you can come up with a Mum believes this, and Dad believes that method, great. You wouldn't be the first couple to do that. More often than not in life, we don't hold the same views with the same veracity as we get older, so just setting the ground rules and playing it by ear may be your best bet if you must do this. My two pence. 

Good luck!   

Comment by Hannah Cutts on July 5, 2011 at 4:53pm

Thanks Gaytor. Don't worry, I can't give up British citizenship anyway, not that I'd ever want to. The argument for becoming and American is that it's a lot easier if I'm planning to stay there permanently. 

Before this summer, I've have spend 4 weeks in person with him, and I completely understand what you're saying about the pitfalls. I think the fact that we're both willing to work through whatever life throws at us, no matter what the cost (financially or otherwise) is proof that we're dedicated. I don't do half-arsed attempts at anything, relationships included. I wouldn't be doing this, spending months away at a time and desperately saving and planning the next few years if I didn't want to do this with all my heart.

Thanks again for the input, playing it by ear is all we really have in life!

Comment by William C. Walker on July 5, 2011 at 8:41pm
Hannah, I wish you the very best of luck .  You'll need all the luck in the world to have a happy life 'unevenly yoked'  to a religious nut family.
Comment by jorge tellez on July 5, 2011 at 9:39pm

I think this is a matter of how "flexible" are you on regards of not affecting you hearing stupid ideas from belivers... Me for example I get desperated just to hear irrational toughts, but that's me. And I'm allways looking for a debate specially an agressive debate... If you can get alone and manage things in a more political way you can solve the issues as they come...


Comment by William C. Walker on July 5, 2011 at 11:45pm
Ask your fiance what would be his religious convictions had he been born in the Middle East, to Muslim parents.  Then wait patiently for his reply. If he's honest, he'll probably say : Muslim.  If he doesn't, he's a liar, & why would you want to marry a guy who'd lie like that ?
Comment by Hannah Cutts on July 6, 2011 at 2:48am
Thanks William, I'll definitely try that one!
Comment by William C. Walker on July 6, 2011 at 8:05pm
I wish you good luck.


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