A narrative essay by – Heather Spoonheim

It is now 6 P.M., May 21, 2011 in Kiribati (Time zone UTC +14:00) and the rapture has begun, according to imminently-debunked, eschatological-prophet Harold Camping. One must wonder when the failure of the faithful to evaporate will become conspicuous to those in the Camping camp. For those not sharing in the delusion propagated by this repeatedly prophetic pie-eyed piper, the real questions might be when the disciple himself will disappear and whether or not he is stuffing his bindle with bundles of donations at this very moment.

On the other hand, he may choose to stick around for one last hoot and holler as his devotees praise their messiah in a final grand hurrah before sending themselves into the great hereafter. Alternatively, he may not even be done with his milking and bilking for there may yet be money to be made before breaking out the Flavor Aid. Many a modern religion seems to be based on humiliating adherents and what could be more humiliating than failing to be faithful enough to be raked up by the rapture?

The failure of Camping devotees to sell their homes, liquidate their assets, and give themselves over completely to their master belies their doubt. Surely Camping could weave their mutual failures into some sort of second chance, a great revival, and a giant paycheque. By playing off the elusiveness of the rapture as a heavenly check-raise, Camping could cash-in like never before; but would his devotees push all their chips to the middle of the table? Only time will tell, and we have plenty of it - because the end of the world isn't arriving anytime soon.

Astoundingly, even though Camping has joined a long list of failed end-times prognosticators for a second time, he isn't the first to accomplish this feat - Benny Hinn is actually listed three times! Although Camping could easily match Benny by resetting his countdown timer, it is difficult to imagine the 89 year old will last long enough to have a fourth go at the apocalypse. Perhaps the old man can still secure himself a legacy in the extraordinarily audacious claims department by taking a stab at joining the long list of messiah claimants. It would be difficult for him to outperform David Icke, but then again, Mr. Icke has at least never humiliated anyone other than himself. The audacity displayed by Camping in turning his devotees out into the streets to spread his bullshit has surely got to be taken into account.

In closing, the final question that remains is: when will mankind evolve past the level of gullibility it takes to entertain the ravings of these self-deluded snake charmers?

Views: 84

Comment by Ed on May 21, 2011 at 8:25am
F. Gump: Stupid is as stupid does.
Comment by Shamari on May 21, 2011 at 9:06am
I wonder when we'll stop being so gullible too. For end-time prophecies, it should be one strike you're out.
Comment by Kai on May 21, 2011 at 12:18pm
Camping should be tried for fraud. Not that I am against the parting of fools and their money, but he should be imprisoned for stealing people's money.
Comment by Heather Spoonheim on May 21, 2011 at 9:24pm
You know, in every other type of business you have legal obligations to deliver on your promises - so yes, camping should either bring about the end of the world or return every damn penny that he has collected over the past 30 years that he's been spreading each of his rapture 'prophecies'.
Comment by Akshay Bist on May 21, 2011 at 9:32pm

Heather are you openly asking Camping to either destroy the world or return every penny donated to his organization?

Hey, look what I found on Craigslist - 

Christian nutjob looking for a Nuke. Donations will be tax deductible :P :P 

Comment by Heather Spoonheim on May 21, 2011 at 9:53pm
Comment by Heather Spoonheim on May 21, 2011 at 10:32pm
Maybe there just aren't enough Christians there for Jesus to make a personal appearance!
Comment by MikeLong on May 21, 2011 at 11:16pm
Any word from Camping yet?
Comment by Heather Spoonheim on May 21, 2011 at 11:20pm
His family radio website is down.  Reuters has reported that the drapes are drawn shut at his San Francisco home and no one is answering the door.  I suspect he's either air conditioned his skull or he'll just be back on the air in the morning preaching his next rapture date as though this one never happened.


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