Contest: Best after Rapture bumper sticker or response

Well the 21st of May is coming upon us quickly (of course there is also a back-up December rapture date). What can we say to those that are left behind? I mean other than asking them to name 1 person that was raptured.
I can start this off with a few that come to mind:

#1 Notice: The rapture has been cancelled as the lord could not find any worthy souls.
#2 Apologies. The rapture has been indefinitely delayed due to interference from excess carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.
#3 The rapture really did happen.   I guess that means you are not worthy enough.  Do you get 2nd chances?  You didn't forget to pray did you? 
#4 Still Here! I guess either you are not worthy or maybe he does not exist.
#5 What no rapture? What are your excuses this time?

#6 What, no rapture? Damn it!  And we really prayed that you folks would be leaving.   I want my money back.

#7 Rapture didn't happen?  You would think he would have shouted very clearly the exact date and time for such an important event?

#8 Still here?  I told you masturbating while praying would fuck it up.

Come on. You can do better than this. I need a good laugh.

Views: 91

Tags: No, Rapture

Comment by IEatDinosaurMeat on April 30, 2011 at 4:04am
So let me get this straight, homeless people get homes and clothes, the population decreases significantly, food shortage is no longer an issue and all the Christians are watching, wearing the same uniform, and chanting the same thing over and over? Yeah, this is a serious tribulation.
Comment by Chris Lambert on April 30, 2011 at 4:04am

The Rapture - Thank Christ they've gone...

 

Comment by Albert Bakker on April 30, 2011 at 6:05am

May 22 - And it came to pass that they were still waiting for Jesus' ass.

They'll keep on foretelling, and on with the waiting

If he ever turns up, they'll mistake him for Satan

As a thief in the night he will sneak up on them

He might yell "surprise!" with a mischievous grin,

but he'll quickly find out the surprise is on him.

Comment by Brian Iverson on April 30, 2011 at 9:59am
I don't care why the rapture did not happen, you cannot have your donations back.
Comment by Brian Iverson on April 30, 2011 at 10:07am
No Rapture?  What's a person to do?  Put the bible away.
Comment by Lance Buckley on April 30, 2011 at 10:33am
Dammit, are you still here? Oh well, there's always December.
Comment by Brian Iverson on April 30, 2011 at 9:43pm

Rapture

Heaven

everlasting life

God

If it sounds too good to be true...

Comment by Brian Iverson on May 13, 2012 at 10:47pm

Well.  Like all things religious say so long.  Its been fun but now back to reality.  No really.  this was the last test.  It is confirmed.  No God.  I'm not lying to you.  What do you mean nothing has changed!  Jesus fucking Christ!  Didn't that reality slap send any signals to your brain?  What do you mean god works in mysterious ways?  You can't blame me/us for nothing happening.  Why, that would mean we are stronger than all your prayers and god's predictions were made false by our power.  Yes.Yes! You are so right.  Finally you have seen the light.  The light of logic and reason.  You going to do what?  Free market capitalism.  Oh shit.  Now we are in trouble.  Fuck me running.

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