I had a four hour long conversation with my aunt this evening. She was explaining to me in great detail: her faith, her political ideas, how she raises her children, so on and so forth. Myself being a very liberal atheist, I mostly stood there, trying not to have a disgusted look on my face, and smiled and nodded. It was very hard for me not to tell her that everything she believes in is childish and wrong. After the very one sided conversation, I locked myself in my room and watched Christopher Hitchens videos on Youtube, a sort of detox. The thing that has been running through my mind is, I am going to be giving my child to them. With her ideas of creationism and her love for Sarah Palin and Bill O'Reilly, this is going to be way more difficult than I had ever imagined.
I want to put my child in a good home. Now don't get me wrong, they are wonderful people, very nice and not as judgmental as I thought they would be, she is okay with my tattoos, and actually knows I'm and Atheist and doesn't seem to mind. But as nice as they are, I want different things for my child. I want my child to be exposed to so much more, mostly the truth. They already have 3 children, so it isn't like they are really needing another one, and they home school them, which means they are exposed to so much more religion and are taught creationism vs. Evolution, this bothers me.
Perhaps I will keep my child. It will be difficult, but I have people who love me and will help me as much as they can. My Aunt told me if I decided I wanted to keep the baby, I could and she would help me take care of it and watch it while I was at work or if I decided to go to college. I just don't know what I am going to do once I make the decision not to give them my child. When do I tell them? Should I go back home to Missouri? When do I go home? I just got here 2 weeks ago. I guess I still have a lot of thinking to do.