Passing Notes & First Posts (An Anxiety Ramble)

I feel like I'm passing notes in class & I'm going to get caught any minute by a very prim, very stern, & kinda scary teacher who can't wait to throw me into detention.

Or maybe, like, a fiery pit of hell. Or whatever.

This is my first blog post and the first time I'm ever publicly outing myself as a...well, you know. (I'm working up to that word).

Oh, something you should know about me--I'm a bit gutless and VERY FREAKING NERVOUS about talking about losing my religion. I've been mentally pacing in front of this site all day before finally deciding to join.

I'm sure at least some of you can relate to constantly swallowing back the bile of years of religious dogma and programming. Still trying to push through all the garbage that fills my head and the chorus of every Sunday school teacher I've ever had ringing in my ears, singing, "You're being led astray!"

I'm still getting used to a site called "Think Atheist" NOT being the enemy. Because that's what you were.

And I guess now that's what I am. 

I have a lot to share & I'm hoping to have many meaningful, insightful conversations with people who have been where I've been, or who're going through something similar now. 

This is my first post. I'm not sure how to end it because then I'll have to publish it. Then it's like...out there. But I guess I should just push that button. I'm gonna do it. Okay.

Views: 316

Comment by Doug Reardon on July 3, 2013 at 4:43pm

Welcome to the pits of hell.

Comment by Ward Cressin on July 3, 2013 at 5:38pm

Unseen, this is the calm site of the 3 sites - 2 atheist and 1 split atheist/theist - I visit. All 3 have both atheists & theists but the one I call split has more Xians than freethinkers and the Xians dominate.

That said, yes, some of the discussions can get heated and, Kamela, you do not need to participate in any discussions you don't want to be in. And even if you start posting in one don't feel bad about dropping out of the thread.

As for being nervous, it looks like you're doing better than me. I tend to only visit sporadically and have yet to start a thread.

Comment by Sagacious Hawk on July 3, 2013 at 5:41pm

What are the other two sites, if you don't mind me asking?

Comment by Tom Sarbeck on July 4, 2013 at 6:10am

Kamela, you've done enough believing. Welcome to thinking.

Comment by Physeter on July 4, 2013 at 12:30pm

Hi Kamela, I'm in a very similar situation. I'm unmarried and living on my own, but I still see my parents a lot, and I'm always hiding this from them. I never checked out an atheist book from the library until I moved out and got my own apartment. Before that I would occasionally read them there in the library, hiding in the back. Now, I've actually bought some atheist books, and I go to great lengths to hide them in case someone comes over. I always make sure to put the one I'm reading down with the pages facing out, not the spine.

I felt exactly what you describe coming to this site. I was extremely nervous to be posting on an atheist site. When people said "hi and welcome" to me, it felt nice, but also a bit scary because part of me was saying "These people are sharks circling in the water, just trying to drag you away from the dry land of your faith." If you're like me, you will find that after a while, you become much more comfortable with it, and yes, it is truly freeing to have some poeple you can share your thoughts with without being scared of how they'll judge you.

Comment by Physeter on July 4, 2013 at 2:36pm

@Archptrx- What's that now? Real live atheists aren't the heathen Jesus-eating satan-worshipping agents of temptation that Christians are warned about? My world keeps getting stranger.

;-) It's a good kind of strange, though.

Yeah, it may sound odd, but if you are brought up to be afraid of temptation and "thought crime" it can make you nervous, in a way, to have people encouraging you to question your beliefs. But I've seen that it's pretty much like you say, and it makes a questioning, nervous person feel very safe.

Comment by Dave G on July 4, 2013 at 2:40pm

Welcome, Kamela!

Comment by Strega on July 4, 2013 at 2:51pm

@Physeter - I thought the Christians were the Jesus-eaters.  Isn't that what communion is?  Ritualised Cannibalism.

Comment by Physeter on July 4, 2013 at 2:57pm

There you go again, trying to confuse me with logic and facts.

Comment by Kairan Nierde on July 4, 2013 at 6:09pm

Hey Kamela. Welcome. Like others have said, don't let the high running passions of some of our argumentalists phase you. Also, there are a couple TAers who will play the devil's advocated on any side of a debate...don't ever take it personally!

Congratulations on taking these steps to discovering reality. You're doing a very scary and noble thing...think about it, if there really were a loving God, wouldn't that loving God have wanted you to question everything instead of following blindly? And if every atheist is wrong and every angostic's sniggling doubt comes back to haunt us all, don't you think that loving God would understand our motives and have compassion for us? I really can't see how we're not in a win-win situation. I guess if God were a real asshat and got all judgy, Jesus might have our backs. If not, why would we want to hang out with that kind of God up in the clouds anyway? ;)

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