When you actually know what I believe then you can comment!

  Every time my boyfriend meets someone new, he tells that person that I am Wiccan.  There are several reasons this is not good!  First and most importantly, I am not Wiccan, I am Atheist I believe in some of the principals of a variety of faiths/or traditions, but the basis of those beliefs is not religious, rather it is humanistic.  It is the basic principals most humans value, things like trying to be kind to others, not lieing, being ethical, working hard, trying to learn new things, being good stewards of the earth, not killing anyone, that sort of thing.  I believe in the power of the natural world, and of cosmic forces in the universe.  This leads him to believe that I somehow believe in magic crystals and fairies. 

Another thing that bothers me about this is that he thinks he should just go about telling others about my faith, he also tell others my political views, and my position on abortion, how much I make.  I don't tell others what he thinks, or about private matters. 

I have asked him not to say anything about me to other people, but he does not respect that.  I have also told him repeatedly that I am NOT Wiccan.  Why does he refuse to accept that?  I think maybe he can't wrap his mind around someone just not having a religious affiliation. 

I might be wrong, but maybe it is due to his being from Texas and raised in a typical Texas way, (based on the stereotypes, and on what he has told me about his family) I believe that he may have a very hard time dealing with his own confusion about religion.  He has expressed that he tried a lot of different sects of Christianity but that none of them really fit the bill for him so to speak.  He has really been confused by family members to the point that he has no idea what to believe, but I think he feels obligated to believe in something, or that he needs the false sense of stability that Christianity tries to instill. 

To that end maybe he thinks that everyone needs to believe in something and that is why he tries to categorize me into some sort of faith.

The confusion is within him not within me!  I have tried to explain my views several times.  What more can I do to help him understand that A. Don't tell people things about me that are not true!  and B.  Don't try to indoctrinate me into any sort of faith!

Views: 306

Comment by Dustin on January 21, 2013 at 4:28pm

I'm with the fronkey monkey errr farmer.  My first thought was that you need a new boyfriend.  If this actually matters to you then you need to really get through his head that you aren't a Wiccan and let him know how you really feel when he tells people this and discusses your private thoughts and feelings with other people.  

Comment by Unseen on January 21, 2013 at 5:40pm

I don't think you'll change him (not that you even have the right to do that). There must be someone more compatible out there. If I were you I'd be keeping my options open.

Comment by Unseen on January 21, 2013 at 5:43pm


It sounds like he does this to f*ck with her. 

@Sarah Jane Hall

What's the attraction of a guy who's not too bright? Don't think you deserve someone who's at your intellectual level?

Also, what you're getting here is typically what happens when people bring their relationship issues into this forum.

Comment by Suzanne Olson-Hyde on January 21, 2013 at 5:46pm
He has been indoctrinated, family, friends etc. There are people who 'need' something to believe in, be it religion, fairies or psychics etc. That need is deep within the brain after being indoctrinated, so people cannot understand that an Atheist just has no interest in any of this, in any way shape or form.

Next, this man is an inadequate male, by undermining you at every turn confidence. Your opinions are nobody else's business, unless you want them to know. He is just not good enough for you, don't take second or third best. Not smart enough!!!! That says it all. You deserve better. Where do you think you will be in say five or ten years time, after this bloke has been undermining you all that time?

People in a relationship must have respect for each other, nurture each other, otherwise, what is the point? You deserve better. That simple. It is better to not be in a relationship, than to be in a relationship that is just not good enough. What would the scenario be if you have children?

Abortion, how much you make!!!! He has absolutely no right to blurt lies about what you think or don't think, or to give out personal information. Think about it.
Comment by Ed on January 21, 2013 at 8:37pm

Hi Sarah,

A meaningful nurturing relationship has to be built upon trust and respect. Your partner's willingness to speak on your behalf and divulge intimacies about your personal life is a violation of both. If he fails to understand these basic tenants of companionship then you are wise to put the relationship on ice.

Comment by Sarah Jane Hall on January 24, 2013 at 6:56pm

Everyone who commented on my first post about my bf being a jerk and telling total strangers I follow a religion that I don't.  I was irritated with him for one thing when I wrote that. 

There are some things you all need to know about Shawn.  Shawn suffered a severe brain injury at age 19 when he was thrown from a moving car going over 70mph (112.65km for those non American members) 

Shawn also struggles with several various traumas which cause severe lapses in judgement. 

That being said most of the time he is a good and decent man, he loves me very much.  He is kind and generous and really tries to grow personally, but things that may take a few weeks or months for most people to learn can take Shawn years. 

You all may be right in saying that I need to move on.  However, it was not my intention to make Shawn look like a monster without feelings.  Shawn has a very hard time dealing with impulse control and needs professional counseling.  We have discussed this at length, but this sort of thing can not be forced. 

Thank you all for your feedback.  You are all such wonderful people!  I have a lot of gratitude for you, and would really appreciate hearing more from you on any subject at all. 

There is quite a bit more I could say on this matter but I will wait for your responses before I dive into even deeper waters. 

Thank you all for reading and responding to me.  I know I am new to this site and it means a lot to have found people who even care to read what I write. 

Comment by Suzanne Olson-Hyde on January 24, 2013 at 7:11pm
@Sarah - I now feel badly about my answer, sort of. I just hate anybody being mistreated, no matter what the reason. In the end, it is up to you, what is good for you, and how you feel about this bloke. Do you think he will 'get it' eventually, that one doesn't divulge your personal attitudes, etc.

I also think, that it is too easy to say something in the heat of the moment, and it goes out. I have done this, and know, after I have hit the send button, that it could be misconstrued - but as you have done, explain the situation, and all is well.

The only thing that is never contradicted is 'We do not think there is a god", other than that, very diverse opinions on everything :) and as you will find out, the discussions can get heated :) and that is OK too. One has to agree to disagree, and there you go.
Comment by Unseen on January 24, 2013 at 8:49pm

@Sarah - I think you must decide whether you want a boyfriend/husband ultimately or whether the attraction is that he's needy.

Codependency. A lot of people don't realize that it exists beyond the realm of alcoholism and drug addiction. It also applies to people who feel compelled to save or rescue or fix or apologize for other people. In a sense, this is part of the reason why so many otherwise rational girls are attracted to and feel they can't abandon boys everyone else can see are bad apples or losers.

While codependents see themselves as heroes/heroines and saviors, in fact codependency is based on the impulse to control someone until they are "fixed." I'm a little concerned that perhaps you are trying to push him into counseling. That's dysfunctional. Counseling tends to work when the patient makes the decision to seek it on their own. Also, when they make that choice and get better, they own the result. I know it'd be nice to feel you have fixed him, but then it would be more your victory than his. He needs to be his own hero.


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