Comment by Sarah Jane Hall on January 21, 2013 at 3:28pm

Wow I didn't mean to make him sound so terrible and awful.  He's not abusive he's just not very smart.

Comment by Dustin on January 21, 2013 at 4:28pm

I'm with the fronkey monkey errr farmer.  My first thought was that you need a new boyfriend.  If this actually matters to you then you need to really get through his head that you aren't a Wiccan and let him know how you really feel when he tells people this and discusses your private thoughts and feelings with other people.  

Comment by Unseen on January 21, 2013 at 5:40pm

I don't think you'll change him (not that you even have the right to do that). There must be someone more compatible out there. If I were you I'd be keeping my options open.

Comment by Unseen on January 21, 2013 at 5:43pm

@Dustin

It sounds like he does this to f*ck with her. 

@Sarah Jane Hall

What's the attraction of a guy who's not too bright? Don't think you deserve someone who's at your intellectual level?

Also, what you're getting here is typically what happens when people bring their relationship issues into this forum.

Comment by Suzanne Olson-Hyde on January 21, 2013 at 5:46pm

He has been indoctrinated, family, friends etc. There are people who 'need' something to believe in, be it religion, fairies or psychics etc. That need is deep within the brain after being indoctrinated, so people cannot understand that an Atheist just has no interest in any of this, in any way shape or form.

Next, this man is an inadequate male, by undermining you at every turn confidence. Your opinions are nobody else's business, unless you want them to know. He is just not good enough for you, don't take second or third best. Not smart enough!!!! That says it all. You deserve better. Where do you think you will be in say five or ten years time, after this bloke has been undermining you all that time?

People in a relationship must have respect for each other, nurture each other, otherwise, what is the point? You deserve better. That simple. It is better to not be in a relationship, than to be in a relationship that is just not good enough. What would the scenario be if you have children?

Abortion, how much you make!!!! He has absolutely no right to blurt lies about what you think or don't think, or to give out personal information. Think about it.

Comment by Ed on January 21, 2013 at 8:37pm

Hi Sarah,

A meaningful nurturing relationship has to be built upon trust and respect. Your partner's willingness to speak on your behalf and divulge intimacies about your personal life is a violation of both. If he fails to understand these basic tenants of companionship then you are wise to put the relationship on ice.

Comment by Sarah Jane Hall on January 24, 2013 at 6:56pm

Everyone who commented on my first post about my bf being a jerk and telling total strangers I follow a religion that I don't.  I was irritated with him for one thing when I wrote that. 

There are some things you all need to know about Shawn.  Shawn suffered a severe brain injury at age 19 when he was thrown from a moving car going over 70mph (112.65km for those non American members) 

Shawn also struggles with several various traumas which cause severe lapses in judgement. 

That being said most of the time he is a good and decent man, he loves me very much.  He is kind and generous and really tries to grow personally, but things that may take a few weeks or months for most people to learn can take Shawn years. 

You all may be right in saying that I need to move on.  However, it was not my intention to make Shawn look like a monster without feelings.  Shawn has a very hard time dealing with impulse control and needs professional counseling.  We have discussed this at length, but this sort of thing can not be forced. 

Thank you all for your feedback.  You are all such wonderful people!  I have a lot of gratitude for you, and would really appreciate hearing more from you on any subject at all. 

There is quite a bit more I could say on this matter but I will wait for your responses before I dive into even deeper waters. 

Thank you all for reading and responding to me.  I know I am new to this site and it means a lot to have found people who even care to read what I write. 

Comment by Suzanne Olson-Hyde on January 24, 2013 at 7:11pm

@Sarah - I now feel badly about my answer, sort of. I just hate anybody being mistreated, no matter what the reason. In the end, it is up to you, what is good for you, and how you feel about this bloke. Do you think he will 'get it' eventually, that one doesn't divulge your personal attitudes, etc.

I also think, that it is too easy to say something in the heat of the moment, and it goes out. I have done this, and know, after I have hit the send button, that it could be misconstrued - but as you have done, explain the situation, and all is well.

The only thing that is never contradicted is 'We do not think there is a god", other than that, very diverse opinions on everything :) and as you will find out, the discussions can get heated :) and that is OK too. One has to agree to disagree, and there you go.

Comment by Unseen on January 24, 2013 at 8:49pm

@Sarah - I think you must decide whether you want a boyfriend/husband ultimately or whether the attraction is that he's needy.

Codependency. A lot of people don't realize that it exists beyond the realm of alcoholism and drug addiction. It also applies to people who feel compelled to save or rescue or fix or apologize for other people. In a sense, this is part of the reason why so many otherwise rational girls are attracted to and feel they can't abandon boys everyone else can see are bad apples or losers.

While codependents see themselves as heroes/heroines and saviors, in fact codependency is based on the impulse to control someone until they are "fixed." I'm a little concerned that perhaps you are trying to push him into counseling. That's dysfunctional. Counseling tends to work when the patient makes the decision to seek it on their own. Also, when they make that choice and get better, they own the result. I know it'd be nice to feel you have fixed him, but then it would be more your victory than his. He needs to be his own hero.

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