I only realized this tonight.
When I was really involved in the church (teenage years) I loved the feeling of being really emotionally charged. Like I could change the world. I loved the feeling of walking out of a youth service in a Wednesday night like i was walking on air. Like I had the world figured out. Like I was invincible. Like anyone could say anything to me and it would bounce off me and turn into rainbows.
Eventually I figured out what was going on. I would go to a service, get really emotionally involved with what was going on, go home, and soon feel exactly the same as before I went to the service. I was incredibly unhappy as a teen. I even tried to end it all once. I wanted church to be my way out.
One year, at church camp, I decided to not let myself get caught up in the emotional part of church camp. If God wanted to move in me he was really going to have to MOVE in me. I wasn't going to let myself be swayed into the emotional pit then wonder where it all went shortly after.
Ya know what happened? Nothing. I went to church camp. Felt nothing. Went home exactly the same. Nothing moved.
Sad movies are exactly the same. They are emotional predators. I went to see "My Sister's Keeper" tonight. It was pretty fucking sad and when I left I felt eerily similar to when i would walk out of a church service! I felt like I needed to call my ex-boyfriends to tell them things I've wanted to say for years!
Justin: You're really nice and I'm sorry I cheated on you.
Steve: You're an idiot for getting back with your ex-girlfriend and I can't believe you're going to marry her and expect it to work. You're the reason I've been single for the better part of 2 years.
Ryan: You're creepy.
Jeff: Grow the fuck up.
Alex: I don't want to date you. I just want to sleep with you.
Justin#2: You're an asshole. I like musicians. If you weren't musically talented I would've dropped you long before you could tell me you can't date me because I'm an atheist.
The correlation between church and sad movies is the emotional manipulation. You're duped into feeling a certain way for a period of time but soon enough you're back to your normal frame of mind as if nothing ever happened. If a true act of God ever moved through me I think it would have a more lasting effect. Church preys on your insecurities. That's why there was a separate service for the teens. Our demographic was an easy target. Being duped is a good way of stating it. Looking back, I definitely feel duped. I don't cry at sad movies because I get a similar feeling of being duped.
Maybe I'm just jaded.