Comment by Arcturus on March 21, 2012 at 4:00pm

Thank you, thank you, thank you guys for the good advice.  After reading the comments, I realized that there is a part of me that WANTS to be found out by him--I just can't believe I'm in this position.  I never would have imagined it.  My son had just invited me to the Coexist meeting with Dr. Ravi Zacharias and said he wanted to talk--when I saw what it entailed, I was so afraid that 'the truth' would come out.  I wanted to go so bad but with the help of some other very wise people in my life, they convinced me that the price would just be to high.  I am so grateful that as painful as this is, it's not as painful as not being able to hold those little boys.  So, goodbye to that identity!

Comment by Melissa on March 22, 2012 at 12:52am

Thank you all for your input. I haven't replied in a few days as I'm not feeling the bestest!

I have been a "serious doubter" my entire life. Starting from very early in life, kindergartenish, I have had all sorts of questions without any answers. Having a life filled with pretty extreme abuse taught me, daily, that sometimes people get punished/abused/god ignores them and you don't even have to be a "bad person." After all, exactly how horrible could a 4-year-old child be?

In any case, because of doubts, I became "just spiritual"... whatever the hell that means. After a near death experience a few years ago, my doubts became much more fact. Yes, I 'saw things' and there were people that I talked to while I was supposed to be dead. I also remember the coma they kept me in for five days. After this incident I was abandoned while I was still very ill, by the "person" I was married to at the time. Guess he couldn't handle me being sick. I never did get an explanation. Closure anyone? Things kept happening to me that were entirely beyond my control. I'm not one to sit and whine about "Oh poor me!" Don't get me wrong, I have some serious pity parties for myself... but I don't live in that. It seemed, on a "spiritual" level I was being punished for something. I can honestly say I have never hurt anyone intentionally in my entire existence.

I guess recently, as I am having flashbacks of things I have repressed for most of my life, I started wondering "what it means to be an atheist." Kinda silly, really. I'm still operating on the mindset of "What does it mean to be an xtian?" It doesn't have to mean ANYTHING... I am now asking myself "What does it mean to be a good person?" That's what life is really about.

My boyfriend is an atheist. This man is the most kind, genuinely emotionally generous human being I have ever met. We had known each other for almost two years before we started dating. He brought me across the country, knowing full well that I was sick. He is a shining example of "godless good". (or something... you know what I mean!) His entire family is Mormon. Such wonderfully sweet folks and I love them dearly. He started having questions when he was very young and his mother finally 'freed' him from going to church when he was about 12 or so.

Sorry for the short, kind of spacy reply here. I'm still not feeling the best so my thoughts are rather scattered and I'm not putting them together very well. Please know that I have read, and greatly appreciate all your responses and thoughts. I feel very comfortable here. :)

Comment by archaeopteryx on March 22, 2012 at 1:24am

"Spacey" or not Melissa, I thought you expressed yourself very well. I was five when I asked my mother how it was that other people in other countries had religions different from ours - I never did get a satisfactory answer. I'm sorry for the abuse you suffered - children are not for hitting.

Good luck with everything.

pax vobiscum,
archaeopteryx
www.in-His-own-image.com

Comment by Suzanne Olson-Hyde on March 22, 2012 at 8:42am

Melissa - you are doing really well - when shite happens, it fugs your brain. Been there, done that, even though for different reasons - you are a good person, religion or not - always remember that. Be eternally grateful you have a bloke in your life who is also an Atheist. And come on here and blurt anytime. Don't ever apologise for anything. No need. You will get stronger every day, just get comfortable with who you are, your core person - and it is a good'un. :D

Comment by C Elaine Clark on March 22, 2012 at 11:27am

when people say(  rain bow in the sky ) god did that, I say which one ? The greek gods, the hindu gods, the  jewish god , the baptist god, the amish god, the catholic god, the morman god, thats gets them thinking ?????    How can they be so sure they are praying to  the right god ?????

Comment by archaeopteryx on March 22, 2012 at 12:21pm

C Elaine, interesting you should say that. On my own website, I've explored the origin of the biblical god, tracing him back to Mesopotamia, from which Abram/Abraham (if he ever existed) came.

Mesopotamia was originally settled by the Sumerians, who developed a theocracy that successfully endured for 4000 years until Akkadians gradually settled into the area, and over time, conquered all of Mesopotamia. They brought with them their own pantheon of gods, which were eventually intermixed with Sumerian gods whose "powers" shared similarities. Finally, Amorites, or Amurrites, infiltrated Mesopotamia, duplicated the behavior of the Akkadians, and within half a millennium, had conquered the Akkadians and Sumerians as well.

It seems the Amurrites were so named because of their chief god, Amurru, also known as, "He of the mountain," or in their language, "El Shaddai." The Amurrites originated in Assyria, and migrated southward into Mesopotamia.

Taking his sister/wife and nephew, Lot, with him, Abe left his brother Nahor and Nahor's son, Laban, in Haran, in Northern Mesopotamia. Genesis 26:20 relates that Nahor's son, Laban, was Syrian, so we can safely assume that Abe was as well. When "god" first introduces himself to Abe, he tells him he (god) is "El Shaddai." Later, when Moses claims "god" introduced himself at the burning bush, he explained that his name was Yahweh, but that he had been known to Abe, Ike, and Jake as "El Shaddai."

That brings us full circle to Amurru. In fact, the Midianite–Kenite Hypothesis, which I will explore in future chapters, maintains that Yahweh was not the "god" of Abe, Ike, and Jake at all, but rather a god the desert Arab tribe known as the Midianites, with whom Moses stayed after his escape from Egypt (before he went back to confront Pharaoh), worshipped, and the writers of the early Bible combined the two, making it seem as though El Shaddai and Yahweh were the same god.

The pathetic part, is that few Christians, Jews or Muslims know any of this, and in fact, due to Confirmation Bias, would likely not accept it as fact, even if they were told. Dr. Gregory House was right, "If you could reason with religious people, there would be no religious people."

pax vobiscum,
archaeopteryx
www.in-His-own-image.com

Comment by Heather Little on March 22, 2012 at 6:07pm

First off, welcome!  Thank you for sharing your story with everyone.  Every person that shares their personal experiences with others, helps someone, somewhere.  You never know who you might be helping. I am so grateful for this forum; it's important.

I could totally relate to the hurt feelings you felt when that woman reacted towards you when you simply answered her question honestly.  You see, in addition to being an atheist, I'm also a lesbian (well, I actually believe that, in reality, there is no such thing as gay or straight as a label, but that is another subject I'd like to blog about, because I think that label comes from a belief in mythology, which seems to dictate to people that being "straight" is good and everything else is "bad"-but I digress, lol).  Anyway, I met my first girlfriend at an office job I was working at before becoming a truck driver.  She was very friendly, and was the type of person that would touch you on the arm when saying hello (with no ulterior motives); well there was this ignorant idiot working at the office who was friendly to both of us, until she found out that we were a couple. She freaked out and would just stare at us (we were never inappropriate), and one day, Grace had to ask her a work-related question, and touched her arm to get her attention, and the woman visually recoiled from her and said, "Don't touch me!!".  There were witnesses right there that tried to reassure Grace that she didn't do anything wrong, because that hurt her feelings and made her cry.  Ignorant people can be very cruel, whether or not they realize it. 

Anyway, my point here (sorry, I can get a little verbose sometimes, lol!) is that when we share these types of experiences, we may not only be helping others that are struggling in the same way; we could be helping someone who needs their mind to be expanded a bit, and you never know; you could be the reason that someone changes.  :-)  Good on ya for being visible!

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