Comment by Cara Coleen on January 25, 2012 at 12:52pm

"Knowing can be a curse on a person’s life. I’d traded in a pack of lies for a pack of truth, and I didn’t know which one was heavier. Which one took the most strength to carry around? It was a ridiculous question, though, because once you know the truth, you can’t ever go back and pick up your suitcase of lies. Heavier or not, the truth is yours now." ~Sue Monk Kidd

You can't un-know and start believing there is a god again. I've many times almost wished I hadn't asked so many questions because I miss the relationship I had with family and friends; I miss the community. Truth is so important to me, and it always has been... but I didn't realize what the price was. I do grieve over the loss of those important people but, like you, I simply cannot fake it. I cannot change who I am so people will accept me because, at the end of the day, that person I'm projecting to them (the believer) isn't real anyway. They may accept what they think I am, but I am not that person. I do not believe there's a god.

And, what's more, I do not even believe the god they worship is a good god. If he were even real, he is evil. He blames his creation for his own screw ups. He lays the responsibility that belongs to him on mortal, fallible creatures. In the beginning (according the Bible), we didn't even have knowledge of good or evil... and yet generation after generation is held responsible for the "sin" of Adam and Eve. It's sick. It's unjust. This character is not full of love. It is a childish being born out of the minds of men who had just stood upright.

I know it's painful, Vrinelly. That's why Think Atheist exists: to offer comfort and support to those of us who have lost the support of our family and friends. We're all dealing with the same rejection you are. It hurts so much. But, if you stick it out, you can discover meaningful relationships again. You'll find you don't need those people to make you feel good because they cannot make you feel good anymore. How can you respect the advice and opinions of people who have not really analyzed their own beliefs; who only believe what they do because they were told to from birth?

We're here for you! :)

Comment by Gideon Jagged on January 25, 2012 at 12:52pm

It's important to be accepted for who you are.  If your nearest and dearest can't or won't, you need to find such acceptance elsewhere.  You need to look for peers who, like you, are among the de-converted.  Being on Think Atheist is an excellent start.  There are many other such online communities.

Your family should come around and at least accept that you are no longer a believer if their love is (as it should be for family) unconditional.  That process will take time; maybe a long time.

Be wary of accepting the easy way.  You will not be happy and it will show.  It will not make your life easier in the long run.

Trust your reason and be strong.

--Gideon

Comment by Kristy on January 25, 2012 at 1:28pm

I am almost 38 years old and have only recently let my family and friends know that I am an atheist.  Because the husband and I have kids, this can make the situation extra sticky. 

It’s like I told my mom at lunch today. 

I am almost 38 years old.  I am who I am, and I have opinions.  I am not going to change who I am to keep from offending others.  This isn’t to be disrespectful, but no one ever stops to think if the ignorant things they say will offend me.  Therefore, I am not going to bend to the wills of others any longer.  Yes, I have an opinion.  It may not resonate with a single other person in our family, but it is my opinion none the less.

I know that I have lost friends on FB, and even family members have "unfriended" me.  Honestly, it better FOR ME if I am honest about my beliefs, or lack thereof.

You just have to get there I suppose.

Comment by Rocky Oliver (LotusGeek) on January 25, 2012 at 1:47pm

I'm sorry for your fears and pain; but believe me that we've ALL been there, I promise. You have a support system here. Here are some other things to think about:

• You can't "un-believe". Once your eyes have opened you can't just start believing once you've stopped. To me it's like trying NOT to read a word (in your language) once you've learned to read fluently. Try it. Look at a word, and you will automatically read it. And while that's because of pattern recognition in our brains (we're hardwired for that), the idea of changing from rational thought to, well, irrational thought is just inconceivable (and every time I use that word I think of the Princess Bride - but I have ADD, so stuff like that happens...).
• While those around you will initially resist that you're a freethinker now, they will either realize that you ARE still the same person, and that you love them just as much. Or they will continue to push you away - and I'm sorry, but that's just shallow and selfish. To put any belief above family or close friends is simply selfish - there's no other word for it. For those in that second group, the thing your mom told you is still true - "If that don't like you for who you are, then they aren't worth having in your life." Life is too short to suffer haters.
• As you get older and continue to expand your mind and add additional knowledge and information to back up your rational thought, you will be more comfortable around those of the religious persuasion - and you'll be able to "discuss" (*cough*) religion with them fact-with-fallacy (or "blow-by-blow" for lack of a better analogy).
• You're going to find that there are other freethinkers and atheists around you as you become more comfortable and "out of the closet". I live in the Deep South and I still find them occasionally. In fact my wife and I were surprised to find that another family of a teammate of my son on his football team are also atheists. The mom from that family is now my wife's bestest BFF.

So, things probably suck now - but I promise they DO get better!

Comment by Chris Martin on January 25, 2012 at 2:10pm

Being an atheist may not be an easy thing to admit in your situation, but it's definitely worth it. Nothing is worse than being afraid of telling people AND living with the thought of knowing that everyday you can't be who you are. You may as well get the latter off your chest and just be who you are, then soon after the fear and the sticky situations will work themselves out. Be strong!

Comment by Ben on January 25, 2012 at 3:27pm

Well it's like this.... Believing these days is more about being accepted than actual belief. Most people don't have the courage to stand up for their true feelings. So they just fall in to what ever category they can and go about there lives. Truth and logic has nothing to do with it. Stand up for what you believe! Make yourself happy! If they don't want to hear it then don't tell them. Deep down inside I would say a huge % of them want to be just like you but again don't have the courage you have. In the words of G.I. Joe "Now you know, and knowing is half the battle."

P.S. Sorry for the G.I. Joe quote... lol 

Comment by michael palmer on January 25, 2012 at 4:14pm

gradualy come out but on your own time its not easy an if poeple are agressive about there faith to make your life in the mean time less stressful its best to not just come out depending on your situation those that say that its better to yell it out never had anything to lose follow what you feel is right course of action

good luck youll be in our thoughts

Comment by Vrinelly on January 25, 2012 at 6:24pm

thanks to all! it really helps a lot to know that im the only one and most importantly that it gets better :) thank you for all the support :) 

i guess it would be better to "lay low" in this situation like some of you said... although i feel like im trapped in an impossible situation im optimistic about it because even though its hard to keep it to myself at every moment, i also dont wish to offend anyone that believes... it might be hard at first but sometimes "being sincere is not to tell the "truth" but to never disagree with our own thoughts right? thanks a lot :) 

Comment by Brad Snowder on January 25, 2012 at 11:50pm

Boy does this all sound familiar. The road to knowledge is "exit only." There's no turning back.

Comment by Okinawa R. on January 26, 2012 at 1:19am

sounds like the position where i am~

people especially your family might think its just you're in rebelling stage or whatsoever and they talk about it with you like they know what're your thoughts, feelings, and reasons unknowingly hurt you even more..and while you try to reason with them, they'll just end up with "dont speak about that among our family...wait everyone, keep it to yourself"

hah~

as for me; i am what i am, i dont really care for those who seems only to care what my faith is as long as they dont shove their BS to me. :D

goodluck to you tho :)

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