This is a hilarious article off of christwire.org (link provided here http://christwire.org/2011/11/is-skyrim-teaching-your-children-how-...)

What is Skyrim?
If you are a responsible parent, then the world of MMORPG first person shooters should be something of a foreign language to you. In games like Skyrim, players are teleported to far away lands that are cream filled with demonic spell crafting, violent shirtless blood shed and exposed not only Satanic critters, but bombarded with gay under tones of fecal fornication.

In the land of Skyrim, the player starts off as a captured terrorist, who has been caught plotting to destroy the golden empire by using dragons. Before the player gets to take control of his avatar, they are asked to create a character, which is purely the liberal’s way of teaching out kids that modifying and gender changing one’s self is fun and normal. Once the player has decided if they want to be a female wood fairy or an black ogre from Stormwind, they get to take control of their hell spawned fictitious demon.

Right off the bat, the gay supporting software company Blizzard, shows the player images of decapitations and after the third of forth head chopping, a necromatic dragon appears and sets the player free from righteous punishment. Now that the player is free, they will spend the next 400 hours robbing people, killing villagers, crafting sexual items, fornicate with elves and other Harry Potter style animals and also learn how to conjure up black magic.

Throughout the game, the player is exposed to full frontal violence and replay style death killing finish moves. The graphics of this game are way too realistic for the type of blood shed they ejaculate all over the player’s CPU monitor.

The spells the player are taught are directly out of The Book of Wiccan and are far more dangerous than anything your child is watching on that Wizards at Waverly Place and Sabrina The Teenage Witch. When a player casts a spell, you will see the hand gesture is that of how homosexuals fling devil DNA juices at each other after a long night of fecal frenzy ass assassinations. This is subliminally teaching your children that they need to go in their rooms, demon whack their sin staff and produce sin milk into their hands and than fling it in the face of the first person they come in contact with after their taint tugging session.

Once they player has finish killing all the people in Skyrim, his final battle is to have a mass dragon orgy with his fellow homosexual warriors he meets on his way and all take turns impregnating the dragon with homosexual dragon eggs. Once the dragon has been backdoor feasted, the player must kill it. The dragon needs to be killed, so the spirit of death and gayness can enter the new eggs and reek havoc onto the rest of the world. This new destruction will be playable in the next Skyrim saga.

SKYRIM LINGO: DOVAHKIIN – Is the supposed citizens of Skyrim, but is a code word that means:
D – Dirty
O – Orifice
V – Violation
A – Always
H – Hurts
K – Keep
I – Injecting
I – It
N – Naiant

game informer skyrim shots 1294673248 Is Skyrim Teaching Your Children How to Perform Rim Jobs and Other Homo Erotic Sex Maneuvers?

How Would My Child Get Access to Skyrim?

If your child doesn’t have the money to buy this game, be sure they are spending countless hours watching their bitttorrents download massive amounts of band widths to illegal obtain this demonic grail of violent dragon porn. Be sure to inspect all of their friend’s houses. Anyone of the evil axis of consoles; PlayStation 1,2 or 3, Gamecube or XBox 360 Live Kentic, could be lurking in one of their households.

If you do learn that one of your children’s friends doesn’t have proper parents and allows them to play on such vile machines, make sure your child knows that by playing with this friend will go against God and would send his soul to the fire pits of Hell.

What Gay Thing is This Gaming Teaching Kids

Skyrim Jobs – Skyrimming is a street term the gays use when talking about applying their tongues to the outer rim part of another man’s sewer spout, while that man is being hung upside down. See the gays have weird fetishes and are close to Satan. Satan speaks to them and tells them news ways on how to experience demonic orgasmic sin. Satan has recently taught our fecal fisting bandits that if you hang each other upside down and let the blood rush to the head, the anal dumpster becomes more sensitive to touch and we all know gays wake up and fall asleep just day dreaming about sticking something up their own or someone else’s sewer hole.

If you notice your son has become more light headed around the house, this is a definite warning that he has been Skyrim jobbing.

Dragon Fisting – Dragon fisting is a new way the gays enter each other’s mud goblets with both of their hands. The difference with dragon fisting, is they make sure to grow their nails very long and once inserted into their low t-cell counted friend, they make a tickling movement with their fingers and sends their mud monkey buddy into a demon infused enticement of gay rage.

Make sure to inspect the length and smell of your children’s finger nails on a daily basis.

Icy Spear – The Icy Spear is the name of an actual weapon in the game of Skyrim, but on the gay streets, it is where a gay freezes their meat banana with ice cubes and than forcefully injects their partner’s demon tunnel with their icy flesh spear.

If you notice that you never have ice cubes in your freeze, be sure that your son is freezing the anal caverns of other men in the neighborhood.

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Untitled 129 Is Skyrim Teaching Your Children How to Perform Rim Jobs and Other Homo Erotic Sex Maneuvers?

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Christian Rating
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Views: 921

Tags: Conservatives, Homophobia, Skyrim

Comment by kris feenstra on December 13, 2011 at 10:06pm

I'm pretty liberal and easy going, but dragon fisting has always seemed a bit too far over the top in my books.  A good ol' icy spear, on the other hand, can be quite refreshing on a hot summer day.

Comment by Chrono-Synclastic Infundibulum on December 13, 2011 at 11:47pm

Funniest shit ever!!!

Comment by Eoganacht on December 14, 2011 at 12:13am

This has to be a spoof.

Comment by Matthew Willoughby on December 14, 2011 at 12:50am

I laughed so much. I love this.

Comment by Lindsey on December 14, 2011 at 1:55am

This has to be one of the most hilarious things I've ever read. Please tell me this is a spoof! The epiphany that there are people out there who actually believe this stream of stupidity might give me a stroke.

Comment by Henrik Strand on December 14, 2011 at 4:17am
Haha, what? I used to get angry reading articles like this, until I took an arrow to the knee...
Comment by Stephen Morris on December 14, 2011 at 8:17am
Phallic symbols found in skyrim: swords, towers, standing stones, arrows, knees, ice wraiths. :P
Comment by Dave on December 14, 2011 at 8:51am

I nearly went crazy then realised this was satire at its finest. Almost died laughing!

Comment by Scott A. Hunt on December 14, 2011 at 10:36am

"Skyrimming is a street term the gays use when talking about applying their tongues to the outer rim part of another man’s sewer spout, while that man is being hung upside down."

I love it.  I think "sewer spout" is almost as good as my own term, "dirty flower".

Comment by Arcus on December 14, 2011 at 11:43am

I should have read this before Skyrimming 60 hours.. Guess Trine's the safer choice these days :)

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