I just read Richard Raymond's atheist prayer.  Here's mine, verbatim.

   Dear God.  Kill me.  Please!  I have lived a full life with no (well, a few small ones, maybe) regrets.  I'm ready to terminate my existence.  I'm waiting, God.  Nothing's happening.  I'll try a little harder: please, please, pretty please, oh great God.  I know you have the power to kill me; so why don't you?  It shouldn't be too hard; after all, I'm 75 years old. You could just give me a heart attack.  God,…

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.  It is gratifying to see so many Christian fundamentalists in the room, tonight.  Before I begin, I forgot that I left my elephant outside, and I wanted him to come inside.  Would someone in the back of the auditorium, go out and get him?  He is sitting in the back of my Corolla smoking a cigarette.  Uhhh, someone?  Please?  Is there anyone here who would be kind enough to go get my elephant?

What’s that?  What did you shout, sir?  You’re saying that…

WHERE WERE YOU?

Where were you when Abraham Lincoln was assassinated?  Or when the Romans were building the Coliseum?  Or when the Solar System sprang into being?  The obvious answer to all but the most imaginative among us would be: nowhere.  Nowhere, because you didn’t exist when those events occurred. Does the apparent fact that you did not exist when Tyrannosaurus rex roamed the earth cause you any sleepless nights?  Not likely.  Why not?  Maybe this most gargantuan of…