Jonah and the Whale
Jonah 1:1 to 4:1
1:1 Once upon a time there was a Jewish guy named Jonah. The Lord talked Jonah. He said "Jonah, go over there to that extremely distant city of Nineveh. Let the Ninnies know that I have noticed their wickedness, even from way over here. I’m not blind. And I'm not just watching and judging…
Added by Brad Snowder on February 24, 2013 at 2:30am — No Comments
A member of the Louisiana House of Representatives who eagerly supported Gov. Bobby Jindal’s plan to fund private schools…Continue
Added by Rob Klaers on February 20, 2013 at 11:51pm — No Comments
Cursing the Edomites
Obadiah 1:1 to 1:21
1:1 The point of view of Obadiah.
1:11 The Lord thinks this about the Edomites. They stood back and laughed while Jerusalem was destroyed. Truth be known, they even aided in the destruction. …
Added by Brad Snowder on February 16, 2013 at 1:04pm — No Comments
Amos 1:1 to 9:11
1:1 These are some words blurted out one day by Amos.
That’s Mr. Amos to you.
The Lord says he has three or four damn good reasons for sending a nasty horrible fire to burn up all of the nations in the…
Valley of Jehoshaphat
Joel 1:1 to 3:2
1:1 OK, here it is, the word of the Lord that just happened to come to Joel one day. It just popped into his head. And the word is that the crops not eaten by worms are eaten by locusts and the crops not eaten by locusts are eaten by worms.
Added by Brad Snowder on February 3, 2013 at 12:14pm — No Comments
Reaping the Whirlwind
Hosea 1:2 to 8:7
1:2 The Lord ordered Hosea to marry a prostitute because the Jews were doing whorish things. It seemed like a reasonable demand. So Hosea married a hooker named Gomer and she had children who were given long terrible names by God himself.
Added by Brad Snowder on January 27, 2013 at 11:50am — No Comments
The Lion’s Den
Daniel 4:4 to 12:13
4:4 King Neb dreamed again and this time he remembered what it was about. It was a tree. The tree was a giant beautiful tree that everyone loved. All the people and animals lived together in and under and around the tree. But then a scary messenger appeared from some vague alternate dimension and began…
Added by Brad Snowder on January 20, 2013 at 11:17am — No Comments
The Fiery Furnace
Daniel 1:1 to 3:30
1:1 The Lord allowed King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon to conquer Judah and take the Jewish people captive. King Neb called his number one chief castrated slave and told him to pick some of the brighter Jews to come live in the palace and learn to speak the local language. One of them was Daniel. The…
The Valley of Dry Bones
Ezekiel 18:1 to 48:35
18:1 Repent for your sins and God will have mercy. It's not your father's fault you’re being punished. God judges you individually. Sin, sin, sin, tsk tsk tsk, your sins have been many. The people of Tyre are a bunch of sinners and the Babylonians will beat their asses and punish…
In America, religious liberty is disappearing, or at least that is what Denny Burk would have you believe. In a …Continue
Added by Jeremy Barger on January 1, 2013 at 1:40pm — No Comments
The Son of Man
Ezekiel 1:1 to 17:24
1:1 One day when I was with the captive Jews of Babylon, the heavens opened and I saw visions of God himself. I saw a huge stormy thingy with flashing lights and some weird multi-winged, multi-headed monsters. They were like part ox, part lion, part man, and part eagle. It was so scary. I…
Jeremiah 1:1 to 18:1
1:1 The sad miserable tidings of Jeremiah, into whose mouth many words were put by the Lord.
1:4 God knew me before I was even in my mother's belly. Before I was even a sperm. Then when I became a fetus he decided he wanted me to be a…
Added by Brad Snowder on December 16, 2012 at 2:33am — No Comments
Prophesy of Doom
Isaiah 1:1 to 66:1
1:1 The hallucinations of Isaiah, the son of Amoz, which he saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem back in the days of Uzziah and a bunch of other kings.
1:2 Ok listen up. God says he has taken good care of you up until now but you are all a bunch…
The Love Poem
Song of Solomon 1:1 to 8:11
1:1 This is the best song of all the songs. It was composed by Solomon. Let him kiss me right on the mouth with his mouth.
Your love is better than wine and you are well known for your savory skin lotions. That’s why the virgins all love…
Added by mohammed ibrahim on November 27, 2012 at 11:41am — No Comments
Ecclesiastes 1:1 to 12:1
1:1 The words of the preacher, the son of King David in Jerusalem.
Everything is nothing, absolutely nothing. Everything is absolutely nothing. People live and people die but the Earth just keeps on keeping on. The sun rises and the sun sets.…
Added by Brad Snowder on November 25, 2012 at 3:24am — No Comments
Hymns of the Lyre
Psalms 1:1 to 1:150
1. You would do well to follow the Lord's rules, otherwise you will suffer mightily I assure you.
2. The kings of Earth think they can gang up against the Lord but he is laughing. Bwahahaha he will smash them to pieces like a clay pot. I however,…
Added by Brad Snowder on November 11, 2012 at 10:15am — No Comments
God and Job
Job 19:1 to 42:10
19:1 Both God and Satan remained quiet while Job and his three friends continued debating the system of justice God had provided for the Universe. Job said, "Give me a break, I'm innocent. I've begged God to hear my story but he's shut me out. He has unfairly counted me among his enemies. He has…
Added by Brad Snowder on November 4, 2012 at 2:15am — No Comments
Job 8:1 to 18:1
8:1 After Job's extensive tirade about the unjust nature of humanity's role in the battle between cosmic factions of good and evil, his number two friend had finally heard enough and entered the fray. He said "How long can you go on and on about what a good guy you are? If…
Added by Brad Snowder on October 28, 2012 at 12:42pm — No Comments
Job 1:1 to 6:4
1:1 Once upon a time there was a rich man in the land of Uz whose name was Job. He was indeed one righteous dude. He was very afraid of the Lord, which is wise, and also he hated evil. So that was essentially Job’s stand on the subject of human morality, fear and hate. He had a…
Added by Brad Snowder on October 21, 2012 at 3:11am — No Comments