Jeremiah 1:1 to 18:1
1:1 The sad miserable tidings of Jeremiah, into whose mouth many words were put by the Lord.
1:4 God knew me before I was even in my mother's belly. Before I was even a sperm. Then when I became a fetus he decided he wanted me to be a…
Added by Brad Snowder on December 16, 2012 at 2:33am — No Comments
Prophesy of Doom
Isaiah 1:1 to 66:1
1:1 The hallucinations of Isaiah, the son of Amoz, which he saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem back in the days of Uzziah and a bunch of other kings.
1:2 Ok listen up. God says he has taken good care of you up until now but you are all a bunch…
The Love Poem
Song of Solomon 1:1 to 8:11
1:1 This is the best song of all the songs. It was composed by Solomon. Let him kiss me right on the mouth with his mouth.
Your love is better than wine and you are well known for your savory skin lotions. That’s why the virgins all love…
Ecclesiastes 1:1 to 12:1
1:1 The words of the preacher, the son of King David in Jerusalem.
Everything is nothing, absolutely nothing. Everything is absolutely nothing. People live and people die but the Earth just keeps on keeping on. The sun rises and the sun sets.…
Added by Brad Snowder on November 25, 2012 at 3:24am — No Comments
Hymns of the Lyre
Psalms 1:1 to 1:150
1. You would do well to follow the Lord's rules, otherwise you will suffer mightily I assure you.
2. The kings of Earth think they can gang up against the Lord but he is laughing. Bwahahaha he will smash them to pieces like a clay pot. I however,…
Added by Brad Snowder on November 11, 2012 at 10:15am — No Comments
God and Job
Job 19:1 to 42:10
19:1 Both God and Satan remained quiet while Job and his three friends continued debating the system of justice God had provided for the Universe. Job said, "Give me a break, I'm innocent. I've begged God to hear my story but he's shut me out. He has unfairly counted me among his enemies. He has…
Added by Brad Snowder on November 4, 2012 at 2:15am — No Comments
Job 8:1 to 18:1
8:1 After Job's extensive tirade about the unjust nature of humanity's role in the battle between cosmic factions of good and evil, his number two friend had finally heard enough and entered the fray. He said "How long can you go on and on about what a good guy you are? If…
Added by Brad Snowder on October 28, 2012 at 12:42pm — No Comments
Job 1:1 to 6:4
1:1 Once upon a time there was a rich man in the land of Uz whose name was Job. He was indeed one righteous dude. He was very afraid of the Lord, which is wise, and also he hated evil. So that was essentially Job’s stand on the subject of human morality, fear and hate. He had a…
Added by Brad Snowder on October 21, 2012 at 3:11am — No Comments
Esther and Mordecai
Esther 1:1 to 8:8
1:3 King Ahasuerus of Persia would often party with very important men. One day he and some dignitaries were drinking and the king sent for his pretty queen Vashti to be brought in and paraded around before the guys. He insisted she come in wearing something skimpy and shake it and…
Added by Brad Snowder on October 14, 2012 at 12:02pm — No Comments
Rebuilding the Temple
Nehemiah 1:1 to 13:31
1:1 Hi, my name is Nehemiah. I am a totally loyal servant to the king of Persia. It is my job to bring the king a cup of wine now and then. It’s a pretty important job so I’m a pretty important guy.
2:1 One day I brought the king a cup of…
Added by Brad Snowder on October 7, 2012 at 1:49pm — No Comments
I don't believe that this is a quote that can readily be overlooked. Indeed, if there is a god, and he created us in his image, then wouldn't he use his intellect, reason, and continuing knowledge to question himself as the great french philosopher Descartes did when he wrote,"I think, therefore I am."? Why shall we ever believe in something so profound as to never question it, and to blindly follow it with such fervor?
It is too easy to speak of such things with confidence on…Continue
Post Exile Jerusalem
Ezra 1:1 to 9:1
1:1 During the very first year under the rule of King Cyrus, the new king of Persia, the Jews enslaved in Babylon got some excellent news. The king posted a written public notice that read as follows: …
Added by Brad Snowder on September 30, 2012 at 11:56am — No Comments
The Fall of Jerusalem
Second Kings 8:1 to 24:1
8:1 The woman whose son Elisha had revived from illness was sent by that holy man to Philistinia to survive a famine. She eventually returned and the king was nice enough to give her back the land he had taken from her earlier. Things…
Added by Brad Snowder on September 23, 2012 at 12:37pm — No Comments
Second Kings 1:1 to 6:8
1:1 With Ahab dead, Ahaziah took over as king but soon became very sick. The Moabites took this opportunity to rebel against their Israelite overlords. Meanwhile Ahaziah sent men over to Ekron to ask their god Zebub for help…
Added by Brad Snowder on September 16, 2012 at 1:00pm — No Comments
Elijah and Ahab
First Kings 11:28 to 25:51
11:28 Solomon promoted Jeraboam to number one head boss of all the tribes.
One day Jeraboam met a prophet who grabbed at Jerry's new clothes and tore them into pieces. He used the pieces of clothing to illustrate his…
Added by Brad Snowder on September 9, 2012 at 2:51pm — No Comments
| King Solomon
First Kings 1:1 to 11:28
1:1 King David was getting very old and feeble. He even had trouble staying warm so the country was searched for the perfect beautiful young virgin girl to cuddle with him. She was found and tended to the old king's physical…
Added by Brad Snowder on September 1, 2012 at 11:52pm — No Comments
Second Samuel 1:1 to 24:1
1:1 David was hanging out in Ziklag, just hanging with not much going on. A dirty, ragged man showed up in dirty, ragged clothes.
1:4 The man was an Amalekite and he brought word to David of King Saul's and…
Added by Brad Snowder on August 26, 2012 at 2:44pm — No Comments
| David and Saul
First Samuel 22:1 to 31:1
22:1 David hid in the hills and stayed mobile with his small band of guerrilla insurgents and barely managed to stay one step ahead of Saul's pursuit. David's troops ran smack into a band of Philistines but crushed them.…
Added by Brad Snowder on August 21, 2012 at 11:19am — No Comments
| David and Goliath
First Samuel 16:12 to 22:19
16:12 In private the Lord told Samuel to prepare to soon be pouring oil on a new king's head. Sam found what he thought was a good candidate for kingship living in the region of Judah and…
| Samuel and Saul
First Samuel 1:1 to 15:19
1:1 There was a man who had two wives. One of them was Hannah.
1:5 Hannah was having problems becoming pregnant because the Lord had messed around with her lady parts. Hannah was…
Added by Brad Snowder on August 12, 2012 at 1:20pm — No Comments