Added by Real Life James Bond on March 11, 2013 at 1:09am — No Comments
The Vengeance of God
Nahum 1:1 to 3:1
1:1 The burden of Nineveh and all of the associated imaginings in the mind of a guy named Nahum.
God is jealous. God is revengeful. God is furious. So then, we've established that God is jealous, revengeful, and furious. He is slow to anger…
Added by Brad Snowder on March 10, 2013 at 1:39am — No Comments
Wrath of God
Micah 1:1 to 6:2
1:1 The word of the Lord that just popped into Micah’s head one day.
It's going to get bad, real bad. God will be coming down to walk on the Earth and the dirt will melt under his feet like wax in a hot fire. He will totally destroy all of the land…
Added by Brad Snowder on March 2, 2013 at 10:55pm — No Comments
Added by Nelson Hernandez on March 1, 2013 at 10:21am — No Comments
Jonah and the Whale
Jonah 1:1 to 4:1
1:1 Once upon a time there was a Jewish guy named Jonah. The Lord talked Jonah. He said "Jonah, go over there to that extremely distant city of Nineveh. Let the Ninnies know that I have noticed their wickedness, even from way over here. I’m not blind. And I'm not just watching and judging…
Added by Brad Snowder on February 24, 2013 at 2:30am — No Comments
Cursing the Edomites
Obadiah 1:1 to 1:21
1:1 The point of view of Obadiah.
1:11 The Lord thinks this about the Edomites. They stood back and laughed while Jerusalem was destroyed. Truth be known, they even aided in the destruction. …
Added by Brad Snowder on February 16, 2013 at 1:04pm — No Comments
Amos 1:1 to 9:11
1:1 These are some words blurted out one day by Amos.
That’s Mr. Amos to you.
The Lord says he has three or four damn good reasons for sending a nasty horrible fire to burn up all of the nations in the…
Brought to you by The Onion (a satirical "news" organization)
THE HEAVENS—Sources close to God reported Thursday that the Creator of the Universe and Author of Our Eternal Salvation suffered a crippling bout of existential dread this week, lying awake all night as He pondered His own immortality.
Anxiously drumming His fingers, the all-powerful being was…Continue
Today I ran a half marathon. When I crossed the finish line, I saw my dad running to me. His arms were wide open and he had the biggest smile on his face. These are the memories of my dad that I love. I've run races before and in less time, but he couldn't be there. I think, for him, having the time to see his kids meeting goals in life is precious and thrilling. He, of course, calls these moments, "gifts from god," but I don't care what he calls it, so long as he is there and…Continue
Added by Colleen on January 27, 2013 at 9:07pm — No Comments
Reaping the Whirlwind
Hosea 1:2 to 8:7
1:2 The Lord ordered Hosea to marry a prostitute because the Jews were doing whorish things. It seemed like a reasonable demand. So Hosea married a hooker named Gomer and she had children who were given long terrible names by God himself.
Added by Brad Snowder on January 27, 2013 at 11:50am — No Comments
The Lion’s Den
Daniel 4:4 to 12:13
4:4 King Neb dreamed again and this time he remembered what it was about. It was a tree. The tree was a giant beautiful tree that everyone loved. All the people and animals lived together in and under and around the tree. But then a scary messenger appeared from some vague alternate dimension and began…
Added by Brad Snowder on January 20, 2013 at 11:17am — No Comments
Hiya. My name is Ash...
I go to a high school in the state of Georgia, and I am currently taking AP US History.
I do not say the pledge, and I do not stand.
I do not say it because I know America is not "under God" and I know there is not "liberty and justice for all."
I choose not to stand because I don't want to stand for a country, that I believe, does not stand for me.
I have not stood for the pledge since 8th grade, and I'm currently in 11th. I have never had any…
In my public speaking class, we were assigned to write a speech. The speech needed to use either facts or emotional appeal to persuade the audience. I wrote this in a very short amount of time. Haha... I got one slow clap by a nice girl in my class. A boy in the front row said he lost all respect for me. What do you guys think of it?
God is Imaginary
I used to…
The Fiery Furnace
Daniel 1:1 to 3:30
1:1 The Lord allowed King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon to conquer Judah and take the Jewish people captive. King Neb called his number one chief castrated slave and told him to pick some of the brighter Jews to come live in the palace and learn to speak the local language. One of them was Daniel. The…
The Valley of Dry Bones
Ezekiel 18:1 to 48:35
18:1 Repent for your sins and God will have mercy. It's not your father's fault you’re being punished. God judges you individually. Sin, sin, sin, tsk tsk tsk, your sins have been many. The people of Tyre are a bunch of sinners and the Babylonians will beat their asses and punish…
The Son of Man
Ezekiel 1:1 to 17:24
1:1 One day when I was with the captive Jews of Babylon, the heavens opened and I saw visions of God himself. I saw a huge stormy thingy with flashing lights and some weird multi-winged, multi-headed monsters. They were like part ox, part lion, part man, and part eagle. It was so scary. I…
Prophecy of Captivity
Jeremiah 20:1 to 47:1
20:1 People hate me. They conspire against me. The governor of the church heard all of the slanderous crap I was saying about him and he had me arrested, beaten, and put in stocks by the gate. Bastard. When I was released I told him that the Babylonians would come and take him and…
Added by Brad Snowder on December 23, 2012 at 2:57am — No Comments
Jeremiah 1:1 to 18:1
1:1 The sad miserable tidings of Jeremiah, into whose mouth many words were put by the Lord.
1:4 God knew me before I was even in my mother's belly. Before I was even a sperm. Then when I became a fetus he decided he wanted me to be a…
Added by Brad Snowder on December 16, 2012 at 2:33am — No Comments
Prophesy of Doom
Isaiah 1:1 to 66:1
1:1 The hallucinations of Isaiah, the son of Amoz, which he saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem back in the days of Uzziah and a bunch of other kings.
1:2 Ok listen up. God says he has taken good care of you up until now but you are all a bunch…
The Love Poem
Song of Solomon 1:1 to 8:11
1:1 This is the best song of all the songs. It was composed by Solomon. Let him kiss me right on the mouth with his mouth.
Your love is better than wine and you are well known for your savory skin lotions. That’s why the virgins all love…