All Blog Posts Tagged 'god' (214)

Howl and go Naked

Where is your god now? Wrath of God

Micah 1:1 to 6:2



1:1 The word of the Lord that just popped into Micah’s head one day.



It's going to get bad, real bad. God will be coming down to walk on the Earth and the dirt will melt under his feet like wax in a hot fire. He will totally destroy all of the land…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on March 2, 2013 at 10:55pm — No Comments

Christians, Stop Using the "Well there were eyewitnesses" Defense

As I enter more and more into the debate world, there is a peculiar phenomena that I find when debating Christians. It is the belief that eyewitness testimony is at all reliable. Especially so when it comes to the divinity of Yeshua (Jesus). Unfortunately this is completely wrong when it comes to proving the bibles validity. There is no presupposition here. It's pure fact from study and research. Let's take a look at the account that Christians give when it comes to the Bibles historic content… Continue

Added by Nelson Hernandez on March 1, 2013 at 10:21am — No Comments

The One That Got Away

If you are swallowed by a whale, how can you resist standing up through the blow hole like the sun roof of a limo? Jonah and the Whale

Jonah 1:1 to 4:1



1:1 Once upon a time there was a Jewish guy named Jonah. The Lord talked Jonah. He said "Jonah, go over there to that extremely distant city of Nineveh. Let the Ninnies know that I have noticed their wickedness, even from way over here. I’m not blind. And I'm not just watching and judging…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on February 24, 2013 at 2:30am — No Comments

Free Slaves

Your taxes at work. Cursing the Edomites

Obadiah 1:1 to 1:21



1:1 The point of view of Obadiah.



1:11 The Lord thinks this about the Edomites. They stood back and laughed while Jerusalem was destroyed. Truth be known, they even aided in the destruction. …

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on February 16, 2013 at 1:04pm — No Comments

Burn Ban Lifted

OH MY Judgment Day

Amos 1:1 to 9:11



1:1 These are some words blurted out one day by Amos.



That’s Mr. Amos to you.



The Lord says he has three or four damn good reasons for sending a nasty horrible fire to burn up all of the nations in the…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on February 10, 2013 at 3:38am — 1 Comment

God Freaks Self Out By Lying Awake Contemplating Own Immortality

Brought to you by The Onion (a satirical "news" organization)

THE HEAVENS—Sources close to God reported Thursday that the Creator of the Universe and Author of Our Eternal Salvation suffered a crippling bout of existential dread this week, lying awake all night as He pondered His own immortality.

Anxiously drumming His fingers, the all-powerful being was…

Continue

Added by Cara Coleen on February 2, 2013 at 1:15pm — 7 Comments

My Dad

Today I ran a half marathon.  When I crossed the finish line, I saw my dad running to me.  His arms were wide open and he had the biggest smile on his face.  These are the memories of my dad that I love.  I've run races before and in less time, but he couldn't be there.  I think, for him, having the time to see his kids meeting goals in life is precious and thrilling.  He, of course, calls these moments, "gifts from god," but I don't care what he calls it, so long as he is there and…

Continue

Added by Colleen on January 27, 2013 at 9:07pm — No Comments

Like Your Mom

A true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. ~ Robert Heinlein Reaping the Whirlwind

Hosea 1:2 to 8:7



1:2 The Lord ordered Hosea to marry a prostitute because the Jews were doing whorish things. It seemed like a reasonable demand. So Hosea married a hooker named Gomer and she had children who were given long terrible names by God himself.



2:2…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on January 27, 2013 at 11:50am — No Comments

Don't Eat Me Bro

Gravity is only the bark of wisdom's tree, but it is what preserves it. ~ Confucius 500 BCE The Lion’s Den

Daniel 4:4 to 12:13



4:4 King Neb dreamed again and this time he remembered what it was about. It was a tree. The tree was a giant beautiful tree that everyone loved. All the people and animals lived together in and under and around the tree. But then a scary messenger appeared from some vague alternate dimension and began…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on January 20, 2013 at 11:17am — No Comments

Pledge of Allegiance problem in school

Hiya. My name is Ash...

I go to a high school  in the state of Georgia, and I am currently taking AP US History.

I do not say the pledge, and I do not stand.

I do not say it because I know America is not "under God" and I know there is not "liberty and justice for all."

I choose not to stand because I don't want to stand for a country, that I believe, does not stand for me.

I have not stood for the pledge since 8th grade, and I'm currently in 11th. I have never had any…

Continue

Added by Ashley Johnson on January 13, 2013 at 7:43am — 34 Comments

Speech I gave about God

 

In my public speaking class, we were assigned to write a speech. The speech needed to use either facts or emotional appeal to persuade the audience. I wrote this in a very short amount of time. Haha... I got one slow clap by a nice girl in my class. A boy in the front row said he lost all respect for me. What do you guys think of it?













God is Imaginary



            I used to…

Continue

Added by Ashley Johnson on January 13, 2013 at 6:51am — 1 Comment

But it's a Dry Heat

Geene Courtney, Sausage Queen. Sponsored by the Zion Meat Company during National Hot Dog Week, 1955. The Fiery Furnace

Daniel 1:1 to 3:30



1:1 The Lord allowed King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon to conquer Judah and take the Jewish people captive. King Neb called his number one chief castrated slave and told him to pick some of the brighter Jews to come live in the palace and learn to speak the local language. One of them was Daniel. The…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on January 12, 2013 at 10:34pm — 1 Comment

Dem Dry Bones

Figuratively speaking... The Valley of Dry Bones

Ezekiel 18:1 to 48:35



18:1 Repent for your sins and God will have mercy. It's not your father's fault you’re being punished. God judges you individually. Sin, sin, sin, tsk tsk tsk, your sins have been many. The people of Tyre are a bunch of sinners and the Babylonians will beat their asses and punish…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on January 6, 2013 at 11:54am — 2 Comments

No Cake for Me Thanks

Port-o-Fess, for the priest on the go. The Son of Man

Ezekiel 1:1 to 17:24



1:1 One day when I was with the captive Jews of Babylon, the heavens opened and I saw visions of God himself. I saw a huge stormy thingy with flashing lights and some weird multi-winged, multi-headed monsters. They were like part ox, part lion, part man, and part eagle. It was so scary. I…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on December 30, 2012 at 11:04am — 3 Comments

Haters Gonna Hate

Hey come back. Are you going to get a pencil to write this down? Prophecy of Captivity

Jeremiah 20:1 to 47:1



20:1 People hate me. They conspire against me. The governor of the church heard all of the slanderous crap I was saying about him and he had me arrested, beaten, and put in stocks by the gate. Bastard. When I was released I told him that the Babylonians would come and take him and…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on December 23, 2012 at 2:57am — No Comments

Cry Baby Cry

Photographer Jill Greenberg's latest exhibition, End Times, features children crying - like the child seen here in 'Shock.' The children are provoked by Greenberg taking away their candy or toys. This technique is known as manipulation. Lamentations

Jeremiah 1:1 to 18:1



1:1 The sad miserable tidings of Jeremiah, into whose mouth many words were put by the Lord.



1:4 God knew me before I was even in my mother's belly. Before I was even a sperm. Then when I became a fetus he decided he wanted me to be a…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on December 16, 2012 at 2:33am — No Comments

Woe to the World

Jambi: 'The wish is granted. Long live Jambi.'                 Pee-wee: 'Thanks Jambi!' Prophesy of Doom

Isaiah 1:1 to 66:1



1:1 The hallucinations of Isaiah, the son of Amoz, which he saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem back in the days of Uzziah and a bunch of other kings.



1:2 Ok listen up. God says he has taken good care of you up until now but you are all a bunch…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on December 9, 2012 at 2:39am — 2 Comments

An Old Fashioned Love Song

You're as young as you feel. The Love Poem

Song of Solomon 1:1 to 8:11



1:1 This is the best song of all the songs. It was composed by Solomon. Let him kiss me right on the mouth with his mouth.



Your love is better than wine and you are well known for your savory skin lotions. That’s why the virgins all love…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on December 2, 2012 at 2:28am — 1 Comment

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Angry Preacher is angry. The Preacher

Ecclesiastes 1:1 to 12:1



1:1 The words of the preacher, the son of King David in Jerusalem.



Everything is nothing, absolutely nothing. Everything is absolutely nothing. People live and people die but the Earth just keeps on keeping on. The sun rises and the sun sets.…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on November 25, 2012 at 3:24am — No Comments

Catchy Lyrics

Quick Draw McGraw, alias El Kabong (1959–1962), written by Anonymous. Hymns of the Lyre

Psalms 1:1 to 1:150



1. You would do well to follow the Lord's rules, otherwise you will suffer mightily I assure you.



2. The kings of Earth think they can gang up against the Lord but he is laughing. Bwahahaha he will smash them to pieces like a clay pot. I however,…

Continue

Added by Brad Snowder on November 11, 2012 at 10:15am — No Comments

Support T|A

Think Atheist is 100% member supported

All proceeds go to keeping Think Atheist online.

Donate with Dogecoin

Videos

  • Add Videos
  • View All

Services we love

We are in love with our Amazon

Book Store!

Gadget Nerd? Check out Giz Gad!

Into life hacks? Check out LabMinions.com

Advertise with ThinkAtheist.com

© 2014   Created by Dan.

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service