ill look at both sides of the situations. i dont like my name "Abdikadir Hassan" it stands for everything i despise, if i were to change my name it would be Alexander Gray.
Why are you here?
To find people like me, i leave in a community where everyone is religious. i feel alone.
The religion you left
Why you left your religion.
I have been atheist for a couple of years. The reason for my conversion is that the mosque was extremely cruel to me as a child, ostracizing me for having doubts and questions. Furthermore, while this was happening, I was trying to press into Allah even more fervently, praying constantly and reading my Quran frequently. And yet, there was no guidance from Allah; no comfort in my persecution; no justice for innocence lost too soon. To be so abandoned in a time I so desperately needed help has developed so many psychiatric issues that I am still suffering from.
I understand perfectly why the mosque did what they did, and I am trying to forgive them for it. However, now a new issue is arising. Of the Islam friends that I have explained my past experiences to, they understand why I left, but are concerned enough about me to pray that I see Allah and convert. Now, I have a lot of questions that arise from the Quran.
But anyways, all those questions pale in comparison to my ultimate question: why should I care? For the past few years, I have been on my own in this fucked world, having to defend myself, guide my actions, and determine my own morality. Granted, I am not perfect, nor have I the expectation that I can achieve perfection. However, having to crawl out of Hell on my own has made me learn to rely only on myself and my capabilities.
Therefore, how is Allah relevant anymore? Why should I become an Muslim again? For some hypothetical afterlife that no one can prove even exists? If I can guide my own actions, if I can determine the values I want to uphold in this life, if I can be a good person simply based on my own will, then where does Allah fit into the equation? I'm not even considering what would have to happen in order for me to believe Allah does exist and that He intimately knows me and cares about me perfectly. I just want to know why I should care about someone who left me for dead, and still wants to hold me accountable for believing in Him for eternity.
I became an atheist because of self awareness and observation. I realized there was no real right or wrong with my actions and that I should never feel guilty for my behavior or the situations I found myself in. I've always been a very good person but religion and faith always forced me to feel guilty about myself. I also could not understand why I should need to worship anything and why I couldn't determine right from wrong on my own.
There is so much beauty in life that I, personally, don't need to view it as merely waiting for heaven.
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