I am grateful to Westboro Baptist for redefining several phrases in my vocabulary: "Batshit crazy", "hypocritical", "self-serving", "delusional", and so on.
I really could careless what these fools believe, but it really bothers me when I see them push it on others, the injustice is maddening...wait I'm hearing a voice...I got a message from GOD saying these people got to go. Crap, I don't believe in that guy.
Sadly I live only 50 minutes from Topeka, and actually work in their neighborhood from time to time. It really creeps me out every time I drive by their compound. That's what it is too, a freaking compound of nutjobs!! I often times want to walk in and start a conversation with them, but I know it will do no good. But it sure would be fun!
Why am I attracted to Jael Phelps? Is this some deep psychological deviance on my part? Is it a superiority complex, because I think it's adorable that she has these strong ill-informed views like a young Republican in Texas or DC? Or is it worse? Is the nature of my fixation darker? Do I want to somehow break her (kidnap her for ransom, beat her, rape her)? Is that it? Do I feel that I'd be somehow vindicated in shattering her, as if it were righteous, as if she (or they) deserved it? Because I could, I think. I think I could pull it off, and bring myself to do it. That compound's security doesn't look too tight. Security's what I do. I could call some of my friends up, take a road trip. They'd be down. Some of them. I'm already thinking of which ones. We could go down, raid the place, take her from her bed, throw her in the van (because there's a van) and drive off. Couple hours later we're at a cheap motel in the next state, it's on the news. I look over at her on the bed tied up, maybe sniffling a little because she was crying earlier. Walk over to her, stroke her cheek, lightly grab her jaw and slowly move her head back and forth a little as she looks up at me... man do I want to choke that girl. COME ON! Would the world care? They'd cheer me on if I got caught! I might even get a light sentence. The cops would definitely go easy on me. I'd be a hero. "Veteran traumatizes Westboro Baptist Church" Prolly sneak me high fives, and Oreos and stuff in prison. But no. I must stop thinking about this. So dark, so... not right. MAN do I want some Oreos right now. Mmmmm. With milk. Did I get that check in the mail today? Should I be wasting my money on Oreos? What am I talking about? Oreos are never a waste of money. Oh god why am I still typing what I'm thinking? What is WRONG with me? Those are HUMAN BEINGS we're talking about, man! What sort of sick Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde bullshit is that? Like that Gaspar Noe movie. Except instead of a rich whore, a... crazy Christian fundamentalist. Sick. No, no, no. Bad. I need to see a therapist... NO. I need Oreos. That's what I need... ... ... Great. Where the hell did I put the car keys?Am I still typing what I'm thinking? Have to have the therapist look at that. But Oreos first. Gotta focus man. Oreos. Car keys. Fuck.
You must be a fan of Marc Maron, there is no other possibility.
I like the " god created the iphone for that purpose" bit. To me she just sounds like a silly little girl who is looking for approval from her "peers" and ta da, the message. Now will someone ask her how she knows he is in hell and particularly where hell is located? Because if he's there I think someone should rescue him. That would make her mad ;)
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